Oil, Water, and Blood
by dazai-san
Summary: Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.
1. Prologue

**EDIT 11/24/15**

 **Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** -insert creative disclaimer here-

~oOo~

Paperwork is a bitch.

Oh, the woes of being a Hokage—this is exactly why he never wanted the job in the first place; damn Tsunade and _forcing_ the job on him. And it's not like he's actually that great of a leader in the first place, really.

Kakashi briefly wonders if Naruto ever even _considered_ the horrendous amount of paperwork he would have to do as Hokage.

Probably not, since the boy hates work of any kind.

Kakashi yawns, sets his calligraphy pen aside, and heads off to where his bed is beckoning.

~oOo~

Kakashi wakes up in the Hatake Compound, in his old room.

He blinks blearily before sitting up, internally panicking while outwardly observing. His chakra levels are normal, but he seems… shorter. A lot. Like, a lot of centimeters shorter.

Glancing down at his clothing, he realizes these aren't the clothes he was wearing before going to sleep—and holy shit, his hands are smaller than he remembers. They're like, half his actual size. _It's like… I shrunk in the wash or something. Or… I did whatever Gai did to get Lee._ He shudders in horror at the thought.

Kakashi feels his eyebrow twitch, but he rolls out of bed, taking far longer than he remembers for his feet to touch the ground, and as he stands up and stumbles towards the mirror, he resists the urge to bash his face in on the nearest surface. (Which happens to be said mirror. And he'd probably break the thing and get cuts all over his face.)

There is no scar on his eye. The lack of a Sharingan doesn't surprise him, since Madara had ripped it out, but his height and age difference certainly do. (Well, maybe if he broke that mirror, he'd get the scar back.)

Fuck.

He's been dumped into the past.

If it actually is the past and not a genjutsu. Or a drug induced dream. He wouldn't put it past Naruto to pull shit like this.

~oOo~

After getting changed and getting used to his smaller body, he realizes that his chakra levels are far higher than it is in this timeline—great to know _one_ thing hasn't changed for him… He wonders if Pakkun is still the Pakkun he knows. One way to find out.

Kakashi opens the scroll, biting down on his thumb and wiping the blood on his scroll. With a poof, a young Pakkun appears, looking bored as usual. And much smaller. Much, _much_ smaller. He's more of a puppy, actually.

"Is this a prank?" Pakkun deadpans. "Because is it me, or are you a quarter of your age?"

"Great. I'm not the only one who thinks so," Kakashi replies, ruffling Pakkun's ears fondly. "Do you think it'd be funny to join Team Seven late and use one of Obito's excuses?"

Pakkun raises an eyebrow, and Kakashi can tell he's fighting not to grin. "Funny? Hilarious is more like it."

Kakashi smirks under his mask. "I'll do it."

~oOo~

Kakashi hides his presence in a tree, watching Minato-sensei and Rin waiting around for him and Obito, looking worried, while Kakashi himself mourns the loss of his Icha-Icha books. His fingers twitch. They weren't even _written_ at this point…

He'd gotten over his teammates' deaths soon after Obito _actually_ died and came to visit him in the space between the Pure Land and this world. Kakashi still visits (visited?) the Memorial Stone, but not to lament about his mistakes anymore, mostly because he's half convinced that Obito will somehow defy the laws of the world (again) and kick his ass for it (again).

"I'm sorry!" Obito shouts desperately, panting and out of breath, breaking Kakashi out of his train of thought. "I saw a black cat, so I had to take another—wait, where's Bakashi?"

"I don't know!" Rin exclaims, sounding worried and reminding Kakashi of Sakura (he finds it slightly ironic, since he's used to comparing Sakura to Rin). "He hasn't shown up!"

Now, Kakashi decides, is the time to show up.

He shunshins a distance away from them, before walking over calmly with a perfect deadpan.

"Sorry I'm late. You see, there was this black cat that crossed my path, and I didn't want any bad luck so I had to take another route," Kakashi explains, hiding his smirk with increasing difficulty. Oh how he wishes for his Icha-Icha.

Rin, Minato-sensei, and Obito openly gape at him.

"H-hey, Kakashi," Minato-sensei says weakly. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Why wouldn't I be?" Kakashi replies, feigning innocence.

"Are you under a genjutsu?"

Kakashi rolls his eyes at that. "Yes. I am. Totally. Because, you know, I'd _totally_ let some random retard use a genjutsu on me. Ha. Ha. Ha. That was sarcasm, if you couldn't tell. And what would the point be, anyway?"

"You're acting _really_ weird, Bakashi," Obito says slowly, squinting at him.

"Hmm? Weird? What's the definition of 'normal' again?"

Minato-sensei coughs awkwardly. "Kakashi, are you really sure you're okay?"

"That depends on what your definition of 'okay' is."

Rin puts a hand on his forehead, and Kakashi just blinks, letting her, while Obito looks on with horribly hidden jealously, to which Kakashi internally rolls his eyes. "He doesn't have a fever," Rin informs Minato-sensei and Obito.

"See, I'm fine. Now, aren't we going to do a mission or train or something?"

Minato-sensei blinks rapidly before regaining his composure. "A-ah, yes. This one's a long term B-Ranked mission."

Kakashi suppresses a groan—B-ranks are so _easy and boring_ —while Obito cheers loudly and obnoxiously and Rin smiles widely. Then he realizes he doesn't _remember_ a B-ranked long term mission. He wonders if that's a good or a bad thing.

"Well, B-rank at most. We'll need to meet up with the Sandaime, come on."

~oOo~

It's almost a shock to see the Sandaime alive, but Kakashi manages to keep a stoic face throughout the entire thing. Said _thing_ is actually a debriefing.

"Now, I have received a letter from an old friend of mine, requesting for some help. So first things first—you are aware of magic, yes?"

Kakashi dregs up old things from his memories; he'd dealt with wizards before, but only briefly. They were quite odd, and had an odd fixation on a hairy potter. _I think?_ "Somewhat. It's a form of chakra, except less pure, pulled from the surrounding air, and requires a medium to channel it. To borrow Shikaku-san's words—far more troublesome. And pointless."

The Sandaime looks pleased. "That is correct! Well, subtracting your last two sentences. Now, wizards are people who use magic, and live outside of the Nations. They have enlisted our help, and are paying us handsomely for a team of ninja for a ten to twelve month period."

"That long?" Kakashi can't help but ask, raising an eyebrow.

The Hokage nods in affirmation. "Will you take the request? I feel it'll be a good bonding experience for all of you, especially considering the mission takes place at a school specifically for teaching magic."

"I'll do it if I'm allowed to be a teacher," Kakashi deadpans.

The Sandaime stares at him, blinking slowly.

"It was a joke. Jeez."

It turns out that the Sandaime isn't the only one staring now.

"Goddammit, why am I not allowed to crack a joke?"

Silence.

"You know what? I give up. Continue."

Almost as if a switch has been flicked, they all come back to life. "Ah yes. Where was I…? Well, will you take the mission?"

Minato-sensei nods. "I think it'll be a great opportunity. So, how are we going to do this?"

"You will be going undercover as a foreign teacher with his three students to inspect this school, Hogwarts, for a year to compare the differences between our school and theirs. However, you are actually there to protect the school from an escaped convict known as Sirius Black and capture him, alive preferably.

"Please beware that, while Sirius Black may not pose too much of a threat to us, my friend, Albus Dumbledore, has expressed concerns of a possibility that he may be completely innocent of the accusation against him, which is, by the way, the murder of thirteen Muggles, or humans who cannot use magic."

Kakashi tilts his head slightly. "I see…" he murmurs. "And do you want us to pose as transfer students or Minato-sensei's students who're there to observe?"

"You'll have to ask Albus for the rest of the details," the Sandaime answers. He rummages around on his desk before procuring four bracelets, one for each person.

"These are translation bracelets," the Hokage explains. "If you wear them they'll allow for you to speak in both our language and their language, which they call English."

"They're quite… feminine. Like friendship bracelets," Kakashi comments dryly. " _The power of friendship shall trump all!_ " _Despite how stupidly cheesy it is, it works. I wish I could use the Therapy no Jutsu as well as Naruto can. They should really rename the damn thing the Naruto Effect™._

At the weird looks he gets, Kakashi sighs. "Damn. I forgot. No jokes." He coughs slightly. "Hokage-sama, could I get some books to study the language instead?" _Well, I already know English and a multitude of other languages, but you know, suspicion…_

"Oh, yes. I thought you'd want to learn, so I asked Albus for a book on learning the language." The Sandaime passes a thick tome to Kakashi, which Kakashi accepts with a dip of his head and a murmur of _thank you_.

"You leave in a month; pack your bags. I expect at least monthly reports! You're dismissed."

~oOo~

 **a/n:** I hope you enjoyed this, because I enjoyed writing this! I promise the future chapters will be longer, but this one's more of exposition… which always sucks. Reviews are (greatly) appreciated!


	2. Chapter 1

**EDIT 11/24/15**

 **Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** -insert creative disclaimer here- ( **Bolded** text symbolizes the ninja speaking their native language. I will _not_ call it Japanese because, you know, _the ninja don't live in Japan, nor have they ever heard of Japan._ Also, I'll be using Japanese littered around in Romaji.)

~oOo~

" **Why,** " Kakashi drawls slowly, " **is there an old shoe on your desk?** "

" **Ah, this is a Portkey,** " Sandaime explains, gesturing to the shoe as Kakashi stares at it with thinly veiled disgust and disdain. " **In approximately one minute, it will take you to your destination after you touch it.** "

" **Cool! Is this because of the magic thing?** " Obito asks excitedly, picking up the shoe and inspecting it carefully, completely disregarding its stink and dirtiness.

Minato-sensei nods to answer Obito's question before gingerly pinching one of the old laces, looking as if the very action pains him.

" **Couldn't they have picked something more… I don't know…** _ **clean**_ **?** " Kakashi grumbles, the tip of his pinky resting on the dirty shoe as Rin does the same, grimacing. It's kind of funny, really; a seasoned ANBU/jounin/Hokage and a seasoned jounin sensei, cringing at an old shoe.

But before anyone can say anything else, they're whirled away.

Obito and Rin look like they're about to vomit and Minato-sensei's face looks quite green. Kakashi just grimaces, focusing on calming his stomach with the practiced ease of an ANBU used to killing and gruesome sights. He's not sure whether the shoe or the travel causes him more nausea.

"Ah, my apologies for having you take such an uncomfortable mode of travel." Kakashi looks towards the speaker, an old man with a ridiculously long beard and equally ridiculous clothing sitting behind a desk.

"It's no problem at all," Minato-sensei replies with a pained smile, still looking incredibly queasy. His tone of voice implies that yes, it is a problem.

"If you don't mind, I'll cast a quick charm to remove your queasiness," the man says pleasantly, raising a stick—wand. Kakashi realizes this must be Albus Dumbledore. Instinctively a kunai slips to his hand.

Minato-sensei nods his consent, and Dumbledore murmurs something. Immediately Kakashi's stomach stops churning, and Rin and Obito breathe out a sigh of relief while Minato-sensei doesn't look quite as green as he was earlier. The kunai returns as the wand does. Kakashi studies it curiously, wondering why it looks familiar.

"Ah, you're a life-saver," Obito moans. "That was terrible!"

"We're going to have to take another one back home," Kakashi informs Obito with no little amount of sadistic glee. "And we won't have anything to magic the nausea away."

Matching looks of horror pass over Obito and Rin's faces.

Meanwhile, Minato-sensei turns to Dumbledore. "Ah, you must be the client, Albus Dumbledore. I am Minato Namikaze, the 'foreign teacher', and these are my students, Kakashi Hatake, Obito Uchiha, and Rin Nohara. I assure you, all of us are competent."

Dumbledore nods. "Would you like a lemon drop?" he asks randomly, holding out a tin can of sweets. Kakashi takes one without hesitation, sniffing it for any poison before shoving it in his mouth very quickly before anyone can see underneath his mask. Obito takes one with just as much enthusiasm while Rin picks one up cautiously. Minato-sensei just shakes his head.

Obito grimaces while Kakashi sucks on it silently, keeping a deadpan. Rin looks impressed at Kakashi's ability to keep a straight face while sucking on such a sour thing, staring at her own dubiously, licking it tentatively.

"You are correct," Dumbledore replies, as if he'd never offered any lemon drops. "I think it would be a good idea for your students to guard a certain period of class under the pretense of observing how our school functions."

Kakashi tilts his head slightly, rolling the lemon drop on his tongue. "So we just pick a random student to stalk, in other words." Rin grimaces slightly at his choice in words.

"Precisely," Dumbledore answers, amused. "Though I would prefer one of you to be around Harry Potter, since he has a penchant for getting in trouble. You've read his file, have you not?"

Minato-sensei, Kakashi, and Rin nod while Obito laughs sheepishly. The name rings a bell in his mind—so it's not a hairy potter; it's a _name_.

"I'll do it," Kakashi offers. "Since Rin wouldn't survive too long in a loud house such as Gryffindor, nor would Obito be able to do well since he has a rather large mouth." Obito scowls.

"You make good points," Dumbledore responds, still sounding quite entertained; Kakashi decides he likes the man. "Very well. I would also like for your other two friends to be paired with another student as well."

"From what I've seen, the Slytherin house needs to be mellowed out a little," Kakashi interjects. "Put Obito there. He's got plenty of experience dealing with… er… to use a euphemism… stuck up nobles."

"Then I'll put him with Draco Malfoy," Dumbledore says thoughtfully. "Kakashi, you can go with Hermione Granger, just to put up a front since it'll look quite odd if I pick Harry himself. Rin, you'll be with Cho Chang from the Ravenclaw house."

"What of the Hufflepuff house?" Rin inquires.

"Your teacher will be paired with Cedric Diggory," Dumbledore answers. "He'll most likely be made a prefect next year, so it won't be odd. Is this fine by you?"

Team Seven choruses, "Yes, sir."

"The students will be arriving any minute now; feel free to head down for dinner."

~oOo~

"They're late," Minato-sensei mutters.

"There was a dementor attack," Dumbledore replies, clearly unhappy with it, and Kakashi can hear the faint note of anger in his otherwise calm and kindly voice. "They'll be here in ten minutes."

In ten minutes, true to Dumbledore's word, students begin to stream in, taking seats here and there and giving Team Seven, sitting at the staff table, "furtive" and quick glances. They're nervous, and many of them are sobbing.

After everyone's been seated, a hat (the Sorting Hat, Kakashi's eidetic memory tells him) begins to sing, much to Obito's obvious surprise and Rin's mild astonishment while Kakashi is impervious, mainly because of his past dealings with wizards—after all, when wizards can make a pineapple tap dance over a table, nothing really surprises you anymore. Except time travel.

Once the first years are Sorted into a house, the doors open quietly and a pair, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter, enter, followed by gazes everywhere. Kakashi frowns a little. Don't they know that staring is _rude_?

After they've sat down, Dumbledore stands up and begins his speech, and all chatter is silenced.

Minato-sensei and Rin pay rapt attention to it while Obito squirms in his seat. Kakashi only listens with one ear, mourning the lack of a Icha-Icha book with the rest of his mind. He still manages to absorb the information about the dementors, the new teachers, and who's paired with who, mainly from practice; after all, he _is_ a seasoned jounin and the Hokage. He's been through enough boring conferences to write a series of books about.

Once Dumbledore is finished, he spots his teammates standing up and he joins them, stretching slightly before heading over to his charge's table.

Looking around, he spots a bushy haired girl waving wildly at him and Kakashi heads over. This must be Hermione Granger then.

He takes a seat next to her and smiles "awkwardly" at her and her friends; it must seem genuine.

"Ah, good evening," he says politely. "I'm Kakashi Hatake, nice to meet you, Granger-san."

"You can just call me Hermione, Kakashi—is it okay if I call you that?" she adds hurriedly, seemingly trying very hard to be polite.

"Okay," Kakashi replies. "Actually you can call me anything as long as it's not an insult to me or my teammates."

"Great! Kakashi, these are my friends Ronald Weasley, but call him Ron, and Harry Potter," Hermione goes on animatedly, clearly brimming with excitement with the new job placed on her shoulders.

Then the food appears out of nowhere, and Kakashi spots some familiar cuisine in the mix. "Ah, Harry, Ron, a pleasure to meet you two." Kakashi drops the honorifics, reminding himself that this is Scotland, and they don't use honorifics.

The two boys, who'd been helping themselves to the food, respond in turn. "Hi, Kah-kah-shee."

Amused rather than annoyed at the butchering of his name, Kakashi reiterates slowly, "Ka-ka-shi. Don't worry, you were close."

"Sorry, Kakashi," Harry mutters, saying his name slowly.

"It's no problem. Like I said, you were close." Kakashi shrugs. "I'll have to get used to it anyway."

"What is that?" Ron asks, thinking to swallow before he speaks. He's gesturing to a bowl of ramen.

"Ah, ramen." Kakashi picks up a large bundle of noodles from the bowl with his chopsticks. "It's a popular thing in our country. Minato-sensei and Kushina-nee love it."

True to Kakashi's word, at the Hufflepuff table, many students are gaping openly at exactly how much food Minato-sensei is putting away.

"Kushina-nee eats more than he does, though," Kakashi continues, smirking widely. "Somehow."

"No way!" Harry exclaims. "That's like, ten bowls already."

Kakashi smirks under the mask. "Proves exactly how much Kushina-nee loves ramen. I'm pretty sure she'd be willing to name her child after a ramen topping." _Actually, she did. Naruto. Though it actually means maelstrom. Close enough._

"Aren't you going to eat, Kakashi?" Hermione asks, confused.

"No. I'm not actually hungry."

Meanwhile, Ron picks up a bowl of ramen curiously, holding his chopsticks awkwardly. "Just use a fork," Kakashi tells him, rolling his eyes when he sees the improper way Ron holds the chopsticks.

Ron shrugs and does so, trying it. "Hey, it's actually pretty good. But kinda weird."

"If you think that's weird, try that." Kakashi gestures to the white tentacles on a platter. Ron looks at it apprehensively before popping one into his mouth.

"It's pretty good."

"It's squid," Kakashi informs him saccharinely, his dark eyes glittering with malicious amusement. "And over there is octopus. And over there is raw tuna and salmon. Over there is seaweed. Over there is tofu, which is technically bean curd."

Anybody within earshot cringes and turns green sans Hermione.

"Kakashi, mate, you're evil," Ron tells him. "You ruined everybody's appetite."

"Oh? I did? I'm sorry," Kakashi responds insincerely.

Kakashi grins under the mask.

This is great.

~oOo~

The next morning, Kakashi rolls out of bed, tossing on his clothes quickly before crawling out the window, locking it behind him. He proceeds to walk on the wall, exerting perfect chakra control, and heads towards Harry's and Ron's dormitory, sliding open the unlocked window with ease before hopping in.

"GOOOOODDD MORNINGGGGGG!" Kakashi calls out cheerfully, looking quite amused as several of them fall out of their bed in shock. Gai had pulled this on him several times; now he can see why he enjoys doing this to his students so much.

"Kakashi…?" Ron asks tiredly.

"Wait, how did you even get in here?" exclaims one of the other boys (Seamus Finnigan is what the files call him). "Isn't your room, like, all the way on the other side of the school? And how do you know the password?"

"Well, I _don't_ know the password," Kakashi answers slowly. "Yes, my room is on the other side of the school. I entered through the window, which was unlocked. Unsafe, by the way."

"How did you enter through the _window_?" demands Dean Thomas, looking amazed.

"I walked on the walls." As if to prove his point, Kakashi puts one foot against the wall and proceeds to walk up the thing vertically with ease before turning onto the ceiling and hanging upside down.

" _How?_ " choruses the entire room.

"Magic," Kakashi deadpans. "Now get out of bed."

"Why?" Harry moans. "It's not even seven!"

"Early bird catches the worm," Kakashi replies evenly. "But I doubt you're going back to bed anytime soon, either way, so up and at 'em!"

The entire room groans. Ron throws a pillow at him.

~oOo~

It turns out that they take forever to wake up. Thankfully Hermione is an early riser and looks quite shocked when she spots Kakashi walking downstairs with Ron and Harry.

"Kakashi? How are you here?"

"He apparently walked from the window of his room to the window of ours," Ron says, shaking his head in disbelief. "On the wall."

"I'll show you," Kakashi offers and walks up the wall and onto the ceiling. "This is perfectly safe by the way." _Blatant lies._

"Get down, Kakashi!" Hermione sounds panicked and Kakashi shrugs.

"Okay." Then he releases the chakra control under his feet and lands perfectly on them, not suffering any recoil at all.

(Kakashi doesn't care in the least that he's showing off, nor does he care that they're looking at him in awe and respect.)

"H-how—?"

"—did I do that? Magic. Now let's go downstairs."

~oOo~

"Obito! You're not late this morning!" Kakashi calls cheerfully, spotting his friend walking through the doors with them.

Obito scowls. "You say that like I'm always late!"

"You _are_ always late!" Kakashi retorts exuberantly.

"I _hate_ you." He storms off to find Malfoy, and Kakashi develops a scowl of his own when his sharp ears catch what the boy is saying.

"Stay right here a moment, okay?" Kakashi tells the three accompanying him. Hermione blinks.

"What? Okay."

Silently, Kakashi erases all traces of his presence and stalks towards Malfoy, only barely noticed and not noticed at all by Malfoy's little group sans Obito, who's giving him a smirk.

As soon as Kakashi is directly behind Malfoy, he "trips", crashing into Malfoy and sending him to the ground, a startled yelp escaping his lips.

"Oh! My bad, Malfoy-san!" Kakashi says in mock horror. "I didn't mean to make you collapse. I didn't realize I was that scary."

Obito bursts out cackling and shoves his hands in his mouth when the other Slytherins glare at him, though he looks as if he couldn't possibly care less.

Malfoy picks himself up, glaring venomously at Kakashi. "How dare you…"

"Eh? How dare I what? Mock you? Make fun of you? Hypocrite. Isn't that what you were doing before I knocked you over? Oh, and by the way, you just got knocked over by an eleven year old." Kakashi smirks cheekily.

Malfoy looks like he's ready to slug Kakashi over the face. "My father will hear about this," he promises.

"Am I supposed to be scared by that?" Kakashi inquires innocently, tilting his head slightly. "Because you know—your father isn't going to be around forever. If you keep running to him when you have a tiny problem, you're never going to grow up."

Malfoy looks closer and closer to exploding. "Ha! You're just saying that because you don't have a father who cares about you! He probably offed himself because of you."

Kakashi forces himself to calm down. _Take deep breath. Take a deep, deep breath. You are a shinobi. Shinobi are tools. They do not have emotions._

Obito looks positively furious, and Kakashi is a little touched that he'd be angry for his sake. "No need to get riled up over him, Obito," Kakashi murmurs. "He's not worth it."

But Obito completely ignores him, and storms to face Malfoy, dark eyes practically murderous. "I want you to apologize for what you just said to him," he says, dangerously low.

"Touched a nerve, didn't I?" Malfoy asks, triumphant.

"Why you—" Before Obito can send Malfoy flying, Minato-sensei is behind him, one hand grasping the offending arm.

"What's the matter here, Obito?" Minato-sensei asks, calm.

" _Nothing,_ " Kakashi interjects sharply. "Nothing at all." Minato-sensei frowns, clearly not believing him.

"Kakashi—"

"It's not Obito's fault either. The only people to blame are Malfoy-san and me."

"Kakashi—"

"I said, it's not Obito's fault."

" _Kakashi._ Listen to me. I just want to talk to both you and Obito, outside. Right now."

Kakashi is about to protest but decides against it, shutting his mouth and ignoring Malfoy's proud look. He follows Obito outside after Minato-sensei.

"What did he say to you?" Minato-sensei asks, tone serious.

Before Kakashi can say anything, Obito slaps a hand over his mouth, much to Kakashi's annoyance and answers for him. "He told Kakashi that his father probably hated him so much he offed himself."

Minato-sensei's eyes widen in shock and anger. "He said that?"

Kakashi wrenches Obito's hand off his mouth. "Yes. I'm over it. I've made my peace with my father a long time ago."

Or maybe in the future. It doesn't really make much sense but Kakashi doesn't care.

Minato-sensei frowns. "I'm going to give that boy a severe talking to. Kakashi, are you sure you're okay?"

" _Yes._ I am fine mentally, physically, emotionally. Is that alright by you?"

Minato-sensei nods hesitantly. "You know you can talk to me when you want—"

"I'm _fine_ sensei," Kakashi says exasperatedly, smiling fondly. "Stop being a worrywart or else I'll tell Kushina-nee about that stash of ramen you've been holding out on her."

"Fine, fine!" Minato-sensei says hastily, clearly worried about the threat.

"Can we go? Okay, thanks." Kakashi tugs on Obito's arm, heading back to the Great Hall, walking past the now disbanded group of Slytherins.

Obito glares hatefully at Malfoy, but Kakashi prevents him from doing anything else.

Kakashi can exact revenge far better than any of his teammates can. He can handle this on his own.

~oOo~

 **a/n:** okay, new edited chapter for you all.

I'm going through these asap.


	3. Chapter 2

**EDIT 12/2/15**

 **Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

~oOo~

Kakashi easily tracks down Harry, Ron, and Hermione, being a skilled tracker, and deduces that they're heading for Divination from the way they're heading towards the tower.

He spots a trapdoor upon stopping and after a few moments a silver ladder falls through, and Kakashi climbs up. Unfortunately for Kakashi's poor nose, as soon as he enters the room he gags and pinches it, startling the entire class.

"Excuse me," Kakashi grumbles, sounding oddly nasally with his nose pinched, "but I have an incredibly sharp nose. It's _torture_ for me in here."

Several students burst out laughing and Kakashi glares daggers at the offenders. "I imagine that you're finding it stuffy in here as well. Magnify that to about ten to a hundred _thousand_ times."

"You mean… like a dog," Hermione says slowly, and Kakashi turns to her.

"Yes," Kakashi hisses. "My nose is as sharp, if not sharper than a dog's. So imagine my freaking _suffering_ in this hellhole. Before you ask, yes that means that I know what you smell like, your last meal, the last time you had to take a dump or piss, the last place you'd been, and your gender."

With one last huff, he plops down between Hermione and Harry, pointedly ignoring the lot of the others in the room.

"So," Harry nudges Kakashi with his elbow, "tell me what I smell like, my last meal, the last time I needed to use the restroom, the last place I'd been, and my gender."

"You smell like…" Kakashi frowns. "it's complicated, but if I had to give it a name, I'd say maybe a hint of pudding. Your last meal was in the Great Hall; a piece of toast, most likely grabbed from the table with your left hand. The last time you needed to use the restroom was this morning, around eight thirty-four, and it was probably very brief. Last place you've been? Here, but before that outside in the hall, but that was obvious; you clearly ran here, since you smell kind of like sweat. You're male."

Harry blinks behind his glasses. "Wow. Spot-on."

"You know, I bet you'd make a better Seer than Professor Trelawney," Ron whispers to him, grinning.

"What _are_ you doing though?" Kakashi asks, gesturing to the tea cups they'd been drinking from, steam still rising from the tea leaves.

"Reading tea leaves," Hermione says disdainfully, and from her tone of voice it's clear she doesn't believe in Divination. Not that Kakashi can blame her, being a logical thinker like her, but Kakashi likes to think himself open-minded.

"Sounds like fun." Kakashi stands, still pinching his nose, and gets a cup of tea himself before bringing it to the table, throwing it back with no regard for how hot it is, much to the three's shocked faces.

"You could burn yourself!" Hermione cries out, completely forgetting about the fact that the tea had simply disappeared through his mask.

"I could," Kakashi agrees evenly. "I didn't. I've drunk hotter."

He passes his cup to Hermione, who looks at it and frowns. "It looks weird."

Trelawney chooses to stop by at this moment, spotting Kakashi's cup and picking it up. Then she shrieks and drops the cup, Kakashi reaching out lazily and catching it.

"T-the _Grim_!"

Kakashi stares at the woman with an unimpressed look. "The Grim. What a creative name. What does it mean?"

"It's the omen—the worst omen of all— _death_!"

Kakashi frowns, contemplative. "Actually, no it's not."

Trelawney pauses in her dramatic act. Clearly nobody's stopped her like this before now. "W-what?"

"There are worse fates than death," Kakashi drones, counting on his fingers just for good measure. "For instance, Dementors sucking out your soul. You could be tortured. You could lose every single important person you have. You could be betrayed by everyone you think you could trust. The list goes on. As for my death, that's to be expected. Oh, and how am I going to die?"

The entire class is staring by now and Trelawney is speechless.

"Am I going to be drowned? Burned? Executed? Commit suicide? Die of blood loss? Get my head chopped off? Spontaneously combust? Get crushed by falling rocks? Stabbed through the chest? Stabbed through any vital organ? Get my pressure points pushed? Tortured to death? Get cut in half? Chakra exhaustion? Heart attack? Stroke? Get run over by something? Steamrollered? Old age? Fall off a cliff?"

(Admittedly, Kakashi _had_ died of chakra exhaustion before… but nobody had to know that.)

"Or do you need more examples?" Kakashi asks innocently. "Because everybody dies an untimely death. It comes when you least expect it."

Trelawney blinks rapidly.

"I certainly hope I won't die from something silly, like getting mauled by a bear or something. _'Kakashi Hatake, died age eleven, from being bitten by a large furry creature that any genin could handle.'_ " Kakashi grimaces.

Trelawney spots Harry's cup and sees it, eyes widening again.

"Another Grim?" Kakashi guesses before she can speak and gestures for the cup in front of his charge, which he hands to Kakashi wordlessly.

Then he takes his own cup and looks at them closely, comparing them.

"I see nothing in there that looks the same, to be honest," Kakashi announces. "And I'll have you know, you could announce the death of all of us in here and you'd be correct, since all humans die eventually."

He stands up, dusting himself off before racing to the window, pulling it open, and shoving his face out, breathing deeply. _Ah, fresh air…_

When he withdraws, Kakashi coughs weakly. "Or you know, I could die of the stink in this room."

The rest of the class bursts into cackles save Lavender, Parvati and Trelawney.

~oOo~

They make it to the Transfiguration classroom with no difficulties due to Kakashi's amazing memory that he will not be modest about.

"Aren't you just here to observe?" Hermione inquires. "Why did you participate?"

"Eh, I can if I want to. Minato-sensei never said I couldn't."

"Hey, Kakashi," Harry pipes up. "I just noticed you don't wear the same bracelet your teammates do. Is there a reason for that?"

Kakashi blinks. Bracelet? Then it dawns on him. "Oh! Those are translation bracelets. I don't need one, since I learned English."

"How long did it take you?" Hermione inquires, interest piqued.

"A month."

"Blimey!" Ron exclaims. "I hear English's the hardest language to learn!"

Kakashi smiles at them beneath the mask, though his amusement is clear in the way he eye-smiles at them. "I'm a prodigy in my country."

 _Also, I may or may not have learned English in the future with the Sharingan._

Hermione openly gapes at him. "B-b-b-but nobody's _that_ great of a prodigy!" she sputters. "Language is a very fickle thing, and you speak like it's your mother tongue!"

"I'm a prodigy," Kakashi repeats, very slowly, his grin growing larger and increasingly difficult to hide beneath his mask. "A genius amongst geniuses."

Harry looks like he's trying not to smile. "You think very highly of yourself, don't you?"

"Of course I don't. I'm just saying what I hear from others."

Ron and Harry snort disbelievingly while Hermione just blinks rapidly and attempts to close her mouth.

"Close your mouth, Hermione," Kakashi chides. "Or else a fly will go in."

Hermione, after a bit of working her jaw, closes it slowly.

"And here's the Transfiguration classroom," Kakashi adds. "Come on." He pushes open the door, striding in with his "guides" in tow.

They take a seat in the back, and once the bell rings, the class starts. McGonagall begins to explain about Animagi, wizards who can transform into animals, and is quite intrigued when she turns herself into a cat.

 _Aww damn. This is one of the times I wished I had a Sharingan…_

The class breaks out clapping wildly as she returns to the human form, looking quite pleased with herself.

Kakashi resolves to come and talk to the teacher later about it.

~oOo~

"Hey, I forgot, but what was up with the thing with that git Malfoy this morning?" Harry asks during lunch, spooning up some stew.

Kakashi reaches for a bowl of ramen, picking up a pair of chopsticks. "Ah, he brought up a sensitive topic, Obito got angry about it and if Minato-sensei hadn't intervened, I'm almost certain he would've beaten Malfoy within an inch of his life, though I would've stopped him."

The ramen, while not as good as Ichiraku's, is still decent especially since this isn't Konoha. He hums slightly.

To the thirteen year olds sitting in front of him, Kakashi isn't eating it at all until he's finished. He pulls his mask back up and releases the genjutsu, and to them, it looks like everything in the bowl disappeared.

"Blimey—! How did you do that?"

"Magic," Kakashi deadpans.

Hermione, looking a little awkward, mutters, "If you don't mind, can you—?"

"—tell you what said 'sensitive topic' is? Certainly." Kakashi shrugs nonchalantly. "Obito, while I'm touched that he cares enough about my feelings to get angry about things that I might take as offensive, doesn't realize that I've gotten over it already. The gist of it is that Malfoy said that I probably didn't have anybody who loved me because they offed themself."

"That little—!" Ron growls but Kakashi cuts him off.

"When I was eight, my father killed himself, and Kaa-san died during childbirth. And Obito got really angry because he knew about that."

Hermione's eyes widen. "How could he say such a thing?"

Kakashi rolls his eyes, completely at ease. "He didn't know. But he will know, once Minato-sensei is done verbally beating him up and making him feel lower than shit. Sensei is extraordinary at making people feel guilty. He does it to me."

Harry himself looks a little guilty. "I… I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing you can say to make me feel better because I never needed cheering up to begin with, Harry," Kakashi replies cheerfully. "Father loved and still loves me, even if I was too blind and stupid to see it when I was younger. I actually hated him for a while for abandoning me, but I realized it was, in a sense, for my sake."

"Your… sake?" Hermione questions.

"You know how I come from a place not on the map, right?" Hermione nods while her two friends look at him blankly, much to Hermione's frustration. "Well, there, we're trained differently, and there are hundreds of villages there. I'm part of one of them, and I'll loosely call it the Leaf. The adults of the village, decided by rank, all have missions, and we're taught that the mission comes before anything else. But the thing is, Tou-san was sent on an extremely important mission, but he was caught in a dilemma—his comrades, or the mission? He picked his comrades."

Kakashi takes a deep breath continuing in his "mission voice"—the voice that has utterly no emotion so that he can distance himself from his words. "The mission failed, and it caused a rift between the Leaf and another village. The entire village, including the comrades he'd saved, turned on Tou-san and me, and Tou-san killed himself, the most honorable way he could've gone at that point. It partially eased the tensions between the villagers and me."

The three teenagers take a little time to digest the information before Harry bursts out, "That's just _stupid_! They're blaming somebody for an outcome they couldn't even foresee because they saved their friends!"

Kakashi shrugs casually. "Like I said, I'm over it. The village is a little less strict nowadays. Additionally, it's what I've grown up with. It's hard to think of it as strange."

"Then… who do you live with?" Hermione asks.

"I lived with my father until he died, and Minato-sensei eventually convinced me to come live with him for a few years. By all rights, I could've lived on my own since I became a legal adult when I was six, like I am right now, but Minato-sensei didn't trust me alone with myself," Kakashi replies.

" _Six_?" the three chorus in disbelief. "You became a legal adult at _six_?"

"Yep. Our schooling has several ranks; Academy Student, genin, chuunin, jounin, and kage. Chuunin is usually when we start working. Since, like I said, I'm a genius amongst geniuses, I reached chuunin exceptionally early. Most reach it at around fifteen or older." _Actually I'm a jounin and a kage but none of you need to know that._

"Wow," Ron breathes, sounding amazed.

"So, when we're an adult depends on when we reach chuunin," Harry murmurs thoughtfully. "Huh. Are there people who never actually reach chuunin?"

"A lot," Kakashi answers immediately. "That doesn't mean they aren't adults though. Either you reach chuunin or you reach drinking age. But most people have lost what 'purity' they had before hitting puberty."

"I see." Hermione frowns, but Kakashi can't pick apart what emotions are on her face, but he is certain that she _doesn't_ see, because it's impossible for three children who have never seen somebody die a brutal death to.

"After all, there are a lot of people who don't attend the Academy. They're all homeschooled or attend a different school. The Academy's system is kind of like Hogwarts's. If you don't have the ability, you don't attend the school," Kakashi adds.

Then the bell rings, saving him from having to say anything else on the subject matter.

~oOo~

 **a/n:** Yay, exposition! /sarcasm\\\

Well, happy early birthday to Kakashi!

I'm aware that Obito actually doesn't know about Sakumo yet in this timeline, but I imagine that Kakashi told him during the duration of the month they were still in Konoha. Enjoy, and please leave a review!


	4. Chapter 3

**EDIT 12/7/15**

 **Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

~oOo~

Kakashi trots after Hermione dutifully as they head out for Care of Magical Creatures, curious at what the outdoor class has to offer; he's always loved animals, after all, dogs especially.

When Hagrid asks them to open their books, and Malfoy demands how, Kakashi raises an eyebrow and turns to Harry. "Can I see your book?"

Harry hands the book to Kakashi gingerly, and Kakashi takes off the belt, much to the others' surprise and worry. Immediately the book tries to bite him and Kakashi forcefully slams it shut. It doesn't do anything else after that, falling limp. "Oops," Kakashi says, not sounding sorry at all. "I think I killed your book." Obito, who had come with Malfoy, bursts out cackling loudly.

Hagrid laughs nervously, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "Yer actually supposed ter stroke their spines."

Kakashi blinks, quite amazed and amused all at once. "Wow. That's actually really creative. Some nice magic on these books, then."

Hagrid beams. "Thank ye!" Harry, Ron, and Hermione shoot Kakashi a grateful look, much to his hidden bemusement.

Hagrid then proceeds to lead them to the paddock, and Kakashi spots giant creatures that look like a combination of a horse and an eagle. They're quite beautiful, proud and dangerous looking creatures with sharp and intelligent eyes.

"Holy crap, those are really cool!" Obito shouts, dark eyes lighting up at the sight of the creatures.

"These are hippogriffs!" Hagrid announces, pride filling his loud voice. "Beau'iful, ain't they? Ter get close ter 'em, yer gonna need ter know tha' hippogriffs are easily offended. Don't ever insult them, 'cos it might be the last thing ye do. Always wait fer the hippogriff ter make the firs' move. It's polite, see? Walk toward 'em, yeh bow, an' wait. If he bows back, yeh can touch him. If he doesn't, then get away from him sharpish, 'cos those talons hurt.

"Now, who wants ter go first?"

Kakashi and Obito immediately wave. "Eh, I'll go first! Seems interesting!" the former calls, while Obito simply jumps up and down with a shout of "Me!"

He heads towards a hippogriff. Buckbeak, as Hagrid calls him, and Obito heads for another one, all but skipping.

Before Kakashi even has the time to bow, the proud creature seems to acknowledge who the predator is here and dips his head low.

A gasp comes from Hagrid and Kakashi smiles before patting the hippogriff on the head gently. "Nice to meet you, Buckbeak!" he says cheerfully. "I hope we can be friends. Oh, and you can stand up now. No need for too much respect here."

The hippogriff obeys, regarding Kakashi with no little amount of respect nonetheless as the jounin-turned-kid-again heads back. "They're great!" Kakashi exclaims, rubbing his hands together with glee.

Obito almost immediately bows, his black hair flopping forward, and the hippogriff seems more amused than anything as it reciprocates the action, seemingly only to humor the hyperactive genin.

Emboldened by Obito and Kakashi's successes, the students surge forward and climb into the paddock, making friends (kind of) with their respective hippogriffs.

Kakashi narrows his eyes with suspicion as he spots Malfoy with Buckbeak, the silver blonde looking disdainful. "This is easy," he drawls loudly. "I bet you're not dangerous at all. Are you, you great ugly brute?"

In a flash, Kakashi appears, one hand gripping Malfoy's wrist and one hand holding Buckbeak's beak shut. "Stand down," he tells the hippogriff calmly, letting a hint of the predator inside him come out to play. "It is not your fault, but keep your temper in check."

Buckbeak whimpers slightly before conceding, taking a few steps back as Kakashi releases his beak.

Kakashi immediately rounds on Obito's charge, bending down to Malfoy's collapsed form, going into what he likes to call "sensei mode". "Now listen up. What did the Professor specifically tell you _not_ to do at the beginning of class?"

"N-n-n-not to insult the hippogriff," Malfoy squeaks, his voice two octaves higher than normal as he looks up at Kakashi's terrifying eye-smile.

"What did you do a moment ago?"

"I-I-I-I insulted the h-h-h-hippogriff."

"That's great, you know what you did wrong! I'm sure you realize that the Professor has every right to give you detention or permanently kick you out of his class simply because you didn't obey his directions." Kakashi's inner sadist giggles in glee.

Malfoy pales even further.

He stands up, dusting off imaginary dust. "Professor, what will it be?"

Hagrid, looking angry, glares at Malfoy. Kakashi is certain that if he hadn't intervened, then Hagrid would be yelling. "A month o' detention w' me, an' fifteen house points from Slytherin. Yer all dismissed 'cept Mr. Malfoy here."

~oOo~

" _Blimey_ Kakashi, how'd you move so fast?" Ron asks during dinner.

"Training," Kakashi answers simply. "My school, like I'd mentioned a while ago, is much harsher and it focuses on the physical side more than the magical side."

Kakashi takes a plate of sushi and sashimi instead of ramen this time.

"What's that?" Harry asks, fascinated with the pink slabs of salmon and tuna.

"Raw salmon and tuna," Kakashi answers absentmindedly, putting another piece in his mouth under a genjutsu. "Didn't I mention this before?"

" _Raw_?" Ron and Harry chorus disbelievingly. "And you did?"

"Raw," Kakashi agrees before swallowing. "It's great. And yes, I did."

Malfoy suddenly trudges into the hall, looking dejected. From the Hufflepuff table, Kakashi spots Minato-sensei stand up and head towards the boy. Almost immediately Minato-sensei drags Malfoy outside, clearly for a verbal beating.

"Ouch," Kakashi remarks. "This has got to be the worst day of the poor boy's life." Then Obito exits as well, a piece of tempura shrimp stuck in his mouth, quickly followed by Rin, curious about the situation. "Can't help but feel sorry for the poor guy."

Hermione snorts derisively. "He deserves it. And I'm not saying that because of the rivalry between Slytherins and Gryffindors."

Kakashi shrugs, swallowing the last of his food before putting his chopsticks down. "I think I'm going to join them before Malfoy opens his idiot mouth and Minato-sensei kills him. How he got into Slytherin with that kind of intelligence and lack of self-control is beyond me."

He walks out of the hall quietly, joining the rest of his team outside in the hallway.

"—you realize that what you had said could have and probably has hurt Kakashi. You need to learn how to keep a filter between your brain and your mouth—oh hey, Kakashi."

Kakashi gives a lazy wave. "No need to be so harsh," he informs his teacher with a reassuring smile. "There wasn't really any harm done—and like I said, I'm over Fa— _Dad's_ death. And I'm certain that Hagrid has already given him a severe talking to about the importance of watching one's mouth." Kakashi directs his steely gaze to Malfoy. "Am I right?"

Malfoy nods hastily, looking terrified. Kakashi smiles cheerfully. "That's great. I'm certain there won't be a repeat of these incidents." It isn't a question.

"N-n-n-n-n-no sir!" he squeaks.

"Go eat your dinner."

Malfoy all but bolts back into the Great Hall, looking as if he'd just pissed his pants.

Once he's left, Minato-sensei turns to him, frowning. "You've been acting strange since the day the Sandaime gave us this mission. Is there something wrong?"

Kakashi contemplates his answer. "Oh, I'm just from the future where all of you are dead, I'm the Rokudaime Hokage, and the nations are all at peace."

He doesn't say that, of course. "No, nothing's wrong," Kakashi hums. "Is there something wrong with my attitude?"

"No! Nothing's wrong with that except it's so… _not you_?" Minato-sensei tries, and fails, to not sound awkward.

Kakashi laughs. "And yet it's still me. So your argument is kind of invalid."

Minato-sensei sighs. "You know what? I give up."

Rin smiles warmly at him while Obito looks on in jealously. "I'm glad you're okay though, Kashi-kun. What Malfoy-san had said really had been hurtful."

Kakashi waves off her concern. "He's immature. Like Obito. Except even _Obito_ is more mature than he is."

"Hey!" Obito complains but there's no heat behind it.

~oOo~

Kakashi perches on a stool, sitting behind Neville Longbottom who seems incredibly nervous.

"Neville-san," Kakashi murmurs. Neville turns to him, eyes wide. "Calm down. Take a few deep breaths, and start again."

The boy nods jerkily before breathing in slowly and exhaling several times. Once he's done it enough to calm down, Kakashi continues, "Imagine Snape-san isn't here. Read the directions carefully several times before actually doing the potion so you understand generally what you have to do, and go about making the potion step by step. It'll help you, and if you start to panic again, take another deep breath and try again."

Neville nods again before starting up at the board resolutely. Much to Kakashi's pleasure, the boy is much calmer and isn't freaking out as much as the beginning of class.

Snape passes by and Neville nearly loses his hard won cool but takes another deep breath. Much to Snape's displeasure, Neville has gotten it almost completely correctly. He huffs in annoyance and stalks away, unable to find anything wrong with Neville's potion. The boy audibly lets out a shaky breath of relief as soon as the professor isn't focused on him.

Once the class is over and they're leaving the classroom, Hermione turns to Kakashi. "What did you say to Neville to make him actually make a perfect potion?" she asks, amazed.

"He's actually great at Potions—perhaps even a prodigy," Kakashi answers, following them out. "It's the instructor that's the problem. Neville is beyond scared of him, and simply needs some encouragement."

"You've got some great skills as a teacher," Hermione says admiringly, and Kakashi scratches his cheek in embarrassment. _No, not really…_

He follows Harry and Ron a little, noticing how Hermione has disappeared. Once they've reached the Great Hall, Hermione runs up behind them, exhausted. Time travel, most likely, considering the amount of things that Hermione has on her schedule, and since Kakashi is a time traveler himself, he can't really say that it's impossible.

Suddenly a seam on Hermione's bag splits and she cries out in shock.

"Why don't you just enlarge the interior of the bag and make it feather light?" Kakashi asks, raising an eyebrow. "You can do that with your spells, can't you?"

Hermione's eyes light up. "Why didn't I think of that?" She fixes the bag with a tap of her wand and murmurs another two spells to enlarge the inside space of the bag and make it featherweight before shoving her books in.

"Why're you carrying around all those books?" Harry inquires, curious.

"You know how many subjects I'm taking." Hermione throws the bag over her shoulder. "Come on, I'm starving…"

~oOo~

Kakashi sits on the windowsill, watching the door for when the DADA teacher will arrive as he lazily worries at a sugar quill in his mouth that nobody else sees but him (the wonders of genjutsu). Oh how he wishes he has his Icha-Icha books…

The chattering in the room abruptly stops as soon as Lupin enters the room, setting a tattered old suitcase on the desk. "Good afternoon. Please put all of your books and such in your bags, as today is a practical lesson. You need only your wands."

The students all exchange looks, clearly curious, and Lupin stands and beckons for them to follow him. Kakashi swings his legs over the windowsill and follows the students into a different room, sliding the sugar quill away and putting up his mask again.

"Loony, loopy Lupin. Loony, loopy Lupin," singsongs the school poltergeist, Peeves as they stand in front of a broom closet. Kakashi's sharp nose picks up the faint scent of chewed gum.

"I suggest you take out the gum in the keyhole," Lupin says in a pleasant tone that belies the wicked gleam in the man's eyes. "Otherwise Mister Filch won't be able to reach his brooms."

Peeves responds with a loud raspberry. Lupin sighs. "This is a useful little spell," he tells the class. "Watch closely." The werewolf points his wand at Peeves and then says, "Waddiwasi!"

Suddenly, the gum shoots out of the keyhole and up Peeves' nose, causing the poltergeist to swear and float away. _Wait, so there's a spell for this specific situation…? Whoever made this spell must've been bored. So very bored._

"Amazing!" a student, Dean Thomas, exclaims.

"Thank you, Dean," Lupin says with an amused smile. "Let's proceed."

They come to a stop in front of the staffroom, and Lupin opens it, letting the students in and entering himself.

Kakashi spots Snape lounging in a low armchair, and raises his eyebrow ever so slightly; this doesn't bode that well for a certain student. His gaze slides to Neville, who's begun to quiver ever so slightly.

"Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not see this. Possibly nobody's told you, but this class contains Neville Longbottom—"

"—who happens to be extraordinary with magic," Kakashi cuts in, smiling cheerfully, "and would do better if he had more self-confidence and if one of his instructors wouldn't be so biased against him, isn't that correct, Professor Snape?"

Neville turns scarlet out of pleased embarrassment. Well, better than being made fun of.

Lupin grins slightly, looking mildly impressed with Kakashi's save. "I was hoping that Neville would help me with the first stage of today's activity, and I am certain now that he will do admirably well."

Snape scowls before closing the door behind him harder than what is probably necessary. Kakashi hides a cheeky grin.

Lupin begins to explain about boggarts and Kakashi wipes his face of any emotion and contemplates his worst fear, and comes to a terrible conclusion, knuckles turning white from his clenching of his fist.

He doesn't even realize he's this deep in thought until Lupin actually opens the wardrobe with a creak and immediately Kakashi pays attention again, blue eyes narrowed and focusing on Neville as he stands in front of the wardrobe, shaking.

The boggart takes the form of Snape and Kakashi frowns. Neville is really that scared of Snape?

Immediately Neville stammers, " _R-Ri-Riddikulus!_ "

Snape is suddenly stuffed into foreign clothing with a disgruntled expression and Kakashi can't help but stifle a laugh as Lupin calls up the next few students.

Kakashi scowls slightly when he realizes how Riddikulus (pun definitely intended) some of these fears are and wonders exactly what kind of horse manure these children have been fed growing up as children.

Suddenly the boggart rolls towards Harry and Lupin almost lazily gets in front of it, and a large full moon appears. With a casual flick of his wand and a quick snap of "Riddikulus", the full moon fades, and the boggart is sent in Neville's direction, who finishes it off with a determined look on his face.

Kakashi blinks and narrows his eyes slightly.

 _My worst fear, huh?_

 _I know that._

 _If all of this was merely a figment of my imagination, something cooked up by the Infinite Tsukiyomi._

Kakashi knows he would completely break if that were to be true and closes his eyes with a shudder.

~oOo~

 **a/n:** A slightly darker turn to the last chapter, huh. I hope you enjoy, and I'm a bit sorry about the late (kinda) update.

Today's my friend's birthday, I wish her a happy birthday and good luck the rest of the year!


	5. Chapter 4

**EDIT 12/7/15**

 **Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

New characters added. Messing with ages since I can, and is explained later on.

~oOo~

Three days later, Minato-sensei wears a frown, sitting in the room Team Seven share. Obito and Rin are out at dinner, Kakashi guesses, since it's only sensei and him.

"Ah, Kakashi," Minato-sensei murmurs distractedly, looking over a scroll.

" **What's wrong?"** Kakashi asks, padding over to his teacher with an expectant look on his face.

Wordlessly, Minato-sensei passes Kakashi the scroll delivered by the messenger hawk, the deliverer preening its feathers. Kakashi opens it before scanning the words inside, decoding it with no difficulty as he's already used to this form of code as he absentmindedly rubs the hawk's head gently.

The gist of it?

Missing nin have been reported to be coming towards Hogwarts. As a precaution, the Sandaime would also be sending reinforcements. Dumbledore has already been informed. Pay does not require raising.

Kakashi scowls, a nagging suspicion (more of a sixth sense, really) at the back of his mind as he contemplates exactly who these missing nin can be. **"Did he tell us who he's sending?"** The letter had not told them who they were sending; Kakashi assumes the Sandaime has supplied another letter.

Minato-sensei sighs, looking weary and older than his age. **"No, since he still needs to pick who's coming. They're all going to be competent shinobi, however."**

" **Ah, well,"** Kakashi murmurs, scratching the edge of his mask. **"Can't be helped. What rank are these nin?"**

" **C rank, at** _ **least**_ **. Highest? A rank."**

Something keeps wiggling at Kakashi's sixth sense, much to his ire. **"And are they banded together or something?"**

Minato-sensei nods, seemingly very curious at Kakashi's questioning. **"Yes. They haven't been sighted completely, but they all seem to be wearing black cloaks with red clouds decorating them—hey, Kakashi?!"**

Kakashi had dropped the scroll, and the paper flutters to the ground, his dark eyes wide. **"** _ **Shit**_ **,"** he hisses through his teeth, feeling the swear is completely justified.

Immediately Kakashi pulls out his summoning scroll, ignoring Minato-sensei's shocked (and mildly scandalized) look, before biting his thumb until it bleeds through his mask and wiping the blood onto the scroll. Pakkun appears with a poof.

" **Yo, boss. What's up?"**

Kakashi wastes absolutely no time on pleasantries. **"Very possibly Akatsuki."** He passes the dog a pouch. **"You know what this is for. Set them as far as you can around the school."**

Pakkun's eyes widen slightly. **"Alright, I'll get right to it, boss."** The dog promptly leaves the room, carrying his parcel, through the window, the hawk flapping its wings indignantly.

" **What are those for?"** Minato-sensei asks, urgency in his voice.

" **Pakkun is going to plant several kunai into the ground around the area and anyone and anything that goes through the barrier created will be able to be sensed by me—I will be able to tell where they are at all times,"** Kakashi explains hastily. **"There are seals on all of the kunai, and once Pakkun returns, I'll actually cast the jutsu."**

Minato-sensei frowns, concerned. **"Won't that waste a lot of chakra?"**

Kakashi allows himself the roll of his eyes, although privately he _is_ aware that the "him" of this time hadn't the chakra needed to perform the jutsu of this size. **"Who do you think I am? I have plenty of chakra, and I have enough chakra control to maximize its potential with the minimum amount of chakra."**

Then Pakkun comes back into the room, out of breath. **"Done, boss."**

" **Dismissed. Thanks for your hard work, Pakkun."** Pakkun nods before disappearing.

Kakashi flashes through the hand signs with practiced ease—he's done this jutsu so many times since it's so useful on all of his missions, especially ANBU ones; he'd always set up a mini one around a campsite so he'd be aware of any enemies. The jutsu had been created by Minato-sensei, and it's one of his favorites for that reason.

He staggers slightly when the telltale sudden dip of chakra tells him that he's completed the jutsu. Hogwarts is ridiculously large, and he's never had to maintain a barrier this large before, not to mention the fact that there's a _huge_ underground that Kakashi doesn't want to miss and ends up making a huge barrier underground as well.

" **Oi, Kakashi, are you okay?"** Minato-sensei reaches out to steady him.

Kakashi takes a minute to catch his breath before shaking Minato-sensei's hand off. **"Uh, yeah, I'm fine,"** he wheezes. **"Just that Hogwarts is huge."**

Minato-sensei breathes out a sigh of relief. **"That's good. You should sit down—"**

Kakashi cuts him off with a shake of his head. **"That didn't take too much out of me. I should actually go down to dinner now, as should you. Rin will worry."**

" **No, wait, Kakashi,"** Minato-sensei says sternly, his tone forbidding Kakashi from leaving the room. He pauses, and tilts his head to his teacher.

" **Yes?"**

" **How do you know? Who are the Akatsuki?"** Ah. So he'd noticed. But that isn't surprising to say the least. Minato-sensei is a shinobi, a _jounin_ , and the future Hokage.

Kakashi balks, swallowing before shaking his head. **"I… I can't tell you. Not until I have more information. I'll… be heading down now."**

When Kakashi leaves, this time Minato-sensei doesn't stop him, though he does see worry clouding his blue eyes.

~oOo~

Not two days later, at dinner, Kakashi's chakra barrier informs him of two chakra signatures entering the barrier.

Kakashi's eyes widen and his chopsticks clatter to the table before he stands up and races outside, not daring to believe his barrier, ignoring the shocked shouts from Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

A pair of boys, one younger than him by a year, another his junior by three, come up.

 _Those chakra signatures!_

" **Hatake-san."**

" **I'm not Kakashi-senpai anymore, Tenzo**?" Kakashi teases, feeling something prick at his eyes slightly— _goddammit Obito still influencing me?_

" **Ka-Ka-Ka-Kakashi-senpai?!"** ten year old Tenzo squeaks behind the cat mask, his voice muffled by the thing obscuring his face and sounding adorably prepubescent. **"Y-Y-You remember me?"**

Kakashi laughs before patting his kohai on the head in a condescending manner that he can't help. **"I couldn't possibly forget my two cute kohai could I?"** He turns to Itachi, the second boy. **"Come over here, Itachi."**

Itachi blinks dark eyes and complies before Kakashi promptly takes off his weasel mask and pokes him _very_ hard on the forehead, perhaps harder than he needed to, imitating what he used to do with Sasuke. **"You so deserved that** ," he informs him. **"And congrats on making ANBU again—at eight years old, instead of thirteen. But you aren't actually eight, are you."**

" **No,"** Itachi agrees, taking back his mask from Kakashi and putting it back on. **"But my last memory is of dying—again. And I am quite glad I've already got the Mangekyo Sharingan—I don't feel like watching Shisui die again."**

" **My last memory is of going to sleep after a** _ **lot**_ **of paperwork** ," Kakashi replies, grimacing openly at the memory. **"Somehow, every single scrap of paperwork, unimportant and critical both, make it across the Hokage's desk."**

Itachi looks on at him in shock from behind the mask; impressive. Kakashi hadn't been aware an Uchiha could show that much emotion (other than Obito, but Obito's always been an exception. Not to mention he _did_ become more like an Uchiha when he got older.). **"You made** _ **Hokage**_ **, senpai?"**

Tenzo stares in disbelief. **"** _ **No way.**_ **My last memory is of beating Madara—I think you were waking me up or something."**

" **No, we'd just killed Kaguya then, if memory serves me right. Let's go inside,"** Kakashi adds, coughing slightly. **"Standing outside seems… awkward; let's talk more later. And being the only one without a mask makes me feel left out now."**

Tenzo and Itachi follow him inside. **"Lonely my ass—besides,** _ **you're**_ **the one who wears that mask all the time!"**

Kakashi gives Tenzo a mock injured look, clutching his chest in a melodramatic way worthy of an Uchiha elder. **"You wound me, Tenzo! You take my heart and rip it to shreds!"**

" **Cut down on the dramatics, senpai,"** Itachi comments dryly, sounding very amused and unbefitting of an ANBU on a mission—actually, unbefitting of an ANBU _period_.

" **So, do you guys have your translation bracelets?"** Kakashi asks, changing topic fast enough to give them whiplash. They both nod, showing them to him. He's pretty sure that Itachi doesn't even need it.

The ANBU and Kakashi ignore the stares with practiced ease as Kakashi heads towards Dumbledore, leading the two ANBU deeper in.

"Dumbledore-san! These are ANBU Cat and ANBU Weasel. Say hi."

"Your request is denied, Hatake-san," Itachi drawls tonelessly.

"Wait, are you talking to me, or are you talking to Dad? Because I didn't know the Sharingan could see the _dead!_ "

Kakashi grins cheekily when he sees Itachi rolling his eyes. "Fine, fine, I'll go sit down, _ANBU-sama_." He proceeds to skip (yes, skip) back to his seat at the Gryffindor table.

"What was up with that?" Harry asks, raising an eyebrow as Kakashi picks up his forgotten chopsticks and stares mournfully at the now cold bowl of ramen.

"Part of my old school—they'll be talking to Dumbledore-san for a bit before they join us," Kakashi replies cheerfully, humming slightly. "They're the more elite part of our school. I could join if I wanted to but I'm lazy." He waves his chopsticks as he says this. "I certainly have the personality for it."

He watches as the two ANBU talk to Dumbledore briefly before body flickering out.

"Blimey did they just _Apparate_?" Ron asks, eyes wide and staring.

"Ron, you _cannot_ Apparate within Hogwarts!" Hermione snaps, though she sounds amazed as well, and Kakashi can practically _see_ the gears turning in Hermione's head.

"Then what did they just do, then?" Harry demands, turning to Hermione with an expectant look.

"Shunshin," Kakashi answers after swallowing. "Or, in English, Body Flicker Technique. It's far more efficient than Apparation—for one, it's _quiet_. And it doesn't make you nauseous."

"Hey, do you think we could learn that?" Harry inquires, interested.

"No," Kakashi tells him gleefully. "Your chakra reserves are pathetic. You don't exercise enough. You don't know how to harness your chakra. You rely too much on magic. Those are the main reasons why you cannot learn it."

Ron and Harry deflate. "Damn, I wanted to learn it too…"

Kakashi rolls his eyes. "You can tickle someone by shouting a spell. You can blow things up by waving your wand. And you don't waste any energy at all. If I body flickered enough times, I'd die. _Anyone_ would die."

" _Die_?"

"With the amount of chakra you wizards have, if I pooled all of the chakra in this room together, it'd be enough for no more than ten shunshins. I can use shunshin twice that many times and I'd only be slightly winded." Kakashi smirks. "Shows exactly how much you wizards exercise."

Everybody within hearing range winces in embarrassment.

Kakashi sets down his chopsticks, standing up. "Ah, well, seems like dinner is over for me! See you tomorrow!"

He flounces outside, heading back to his room. Kakashi hadn't finished his ramen, but ah, talking to his old friends is more important than food.

~oOo~

He takes a seat, seeing Tenzo and Itachi inside already, two extra beds already set up in the room for them, masks attached at the hip. **"So, you wanna catch up now?"** he inquires.

" **Hokage?"** the two ask incredulously at the same time.

Kakashi laughs before flopping onto his bed, suddenly weary and feeling old _(YOUTH, KAKASHI! YOUR FLAMES OF YOUTH ARE STILL BURNING—_ shut up Gai). **"Yeah, Hokage. Tsunade stepped down and pawned the hat off on me. She didn't like the amount of paperwork involved. I was originally going to drop the hat on Naruto, but now I won't get a chance to."**

Itachi blinks. **"Naruto. You mean Sasuke's not-boyfriend?"**

Upon hearing that, Kakashi snorts and very nearly chokes before shaking his head. **"No, no! Hinata snagged Naruto, and Sakura** _ **finally**_ **got your brother. Even if he is a bit of a dick. Don't give me that look Itachi."**

Tenzo chortles slightly. **"Oh, I never met Sasuke other than on the battlefield, but he seems like an S Ranked dick to me. I'm sorry."**

Itachi glares at the two of them. **"Do not talk about my brother like that! It was** _ **my**_ **fault all of it happened!"**

" **Calm down, Itachi, we're just teasing. And it's not really your fault. I** _ **know**_ **Sasuke was an adorable little shit as a kid,"** Kakashi placates.

" **Is, senpai, is,"** Itachi corrects haughtily, seemingly condescending to magnanimously forgive them (the Uchiha semantics are rubbing off on him now, great). **"He's three."**

Kakashi laughs. **"Is. Sasuke** _ **is**_ **an adorable little shit."**

Suddenly the two ANBU whip their masks back on and take seats on their respective beds, while Kakashi takes out a book and opens it to a random page.

Two minutes later, Minato-sensei, Obito, and Rin come inside, chatting amicably. **"Welcome back,"** Kakashi comments, looking up from his book. The two ANBU make no comment, though Kakashi can see Tenzo, finger twitching slightly.

Hesitantly, Obito and Rin look back and forth between the two ANBU nervously before scurrying to their respective beds. Kakashi hears Tenzo chortle a bit.

" **ANBU-** _ **sama**_ **,"** Kakashi drawls mockingly just to keep up a farce, **"is there something funny, because I would certainly like to be let in on the joke."**

Tenzo and Itachi easily catch on and Tenzo simply replies, **"There is nothing humorous that concerns you,** _ **Hatake-san.**_ **"**

Kakashi quirks an eyebrow. **"Is that so, ANBU-sama? Because showing any sign of emotion is unbefitting for an ANBU."**

" **Picking comrades over a mission is the same, Hatake-san,"** Itachi comments evenly.

Forcing a smile, Kakashi retorts, **"My father was not ANBU."** He spots Tenzo giving Itachi a warning glance, but casually Kakashi signs in ANBU: _He's certainly done worse to me._

His teammates watch the exchange like a badminton match until Itachi crosses the line that Minato-sensei thinks is there—of course, Itachi _knows_ the boundaries, and has merely come into dangerous territory. If Itachi wants to hurt him, then he has far better ammunition.

" **ANBU-san,"** Minato-sensei says warningly. **"That is enough."**

Itachi fixes Minato-sensei with an emotionless gaze. **"If you say so, Yo—Namikaze-san."** Thankfully, Itachi catches his mistake quickly but it causes a frown to cross Minato-sensei's face briefly.

Kakashi casually pulls a kunai out from beneath his pillow, a motion gone unnoticed by everyone in the room. Then quick as a flash, he throws the kunai at Itachi.

Immediately Itachi catches the kunai without much difficulty. He sets a curious look on Kakashi.

" **Just testing your skills, ANBU-** _ **sama**_ **,"** Kakashi mocks, though the glimmer of amusement doesn't go unnoticed by the two ANBU (and perhaps Minato-sensei). **"Good night."** He shuts the curtains jerkily before laying his head down.

~oOo~

 **a/n:** I hope I did okay! I had so much trouble with this chapter… ugh.

Oh, and I have a question for you all:

 _If_ I were to incorporate pairings into this fanfiction, what would you prefer them to be? I'm open to both heterosexual and homosexual pairings, I'm simply curious.


	6. Chapter 5

**Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter. Just a reminder: I am still in the process of rereading Naruto. I'm only around chapter 250 or so. If I get any facts wrong, I apologize, and feel free to call me out on it!

The problem should be fixed by the time this chapter is out.

Also, Umecchi pointed something out—I hope this'll be able to explain it, and it melds in with the way I wanted the story to go, so a win-win situation.

Oh, and a more serious than humorous chapter—plus exposition. _Great_. Sorry guys!

~oOo~

 _Tenzo and Itachi are here._

Kakashi stares at the wall in silence numbly.

 _And they remember me._

Something's wrong. At least that's what Kakashi's sixth sense is telling him, and he never doubts his sixth sense. No seasoned shinobi would.

It has something to do with Sasuke and Itachi and Minato-sensei and Kushina-nee—then Kakashi's tired mind whirls like an electric fan that doesn't exist in this world yet.

Kakashi sits bolt upright, now alert and awake, shoving his sleepiness aside.

Itachi is supposed to be _eight years_ his junior, Sasuke thirteen. By all technicalities, _Itachi_ should be the one who's three years old.

And if Sasuke is three, then _Naruto_ should be born as well, but Kushina-nee and Minato-sensei haven't… had an affair yet.

He narrows his eyes. This isn't the past. At least, this isn't the past that _he_ remembers. And there's the fact that _he doesn't remember this mission_.

Kakashi scowls. Looks like he's not getting any sleep tonight. He swings his legs over the side of the bed, getting dressed as quietly as he can before heading out the door.

Just as he opens the door, Minato-sensei's sleepy voice asks quietly, "Kakashi?"

" **Ah, Minato-sensei. Go back to sleep. I'm going out for a walk."**

Kakashi hears the rustling of blankets. **"I'll join you then, if you don't mind."**

" **Uh, okay,"** Kakashi replies awkwardly as Minato-sensei changes quickly before heading out, closing the door behind them.

They walk a little, heading outside for the empty Quidditch grounds. Kakashi estimates it's about twelve in the morning.

Minato-sensei yawns slightly before taking a seat on the bleachers, Kakashi joining him. Normally if Kakashi has a friend with him at this hour, he'd probably be enjoying a drink. Thing is, Minato-sensei would _kill_ him if he did since he's _eleven_. So no sake.

As it is, Kakashi contents himself with kicking his legs slightly in a childish manner that he normally would _never_ get away with and enjoying the companionable silence.

After a few minutes of silence, Minato-sensei speaks up. **"So, what's really bothering you?"**

Kakashi almost starts at how suddenly Minato-sensei breaks the silence, blinking a few times before the meaning sinks in. **"Huh? Oh, nothing, really."** Which is a lie, of course.

Minato-sensei looks at him with a deadpan. **"Really? Then exactly how do you explain your change in behavior since the day you arrived late with Obito's exact same excuse?"**

Kakashi tilts his head. **"Change in behavior?"**

Minato-sensei sighs exasperatedly. **"Don't play dumb, Kakashi."**

" **You'd be surprised** _ **exactly**_ **how many situations you can get out of by playing dumb."**

His sensei rolls his eyes. **"Kakashi. Stop changing the subject and answer the question."**

" **If I told you the truth you'd probably send me to therapy with the Yamanakas and then end up with half of them with breaks and the rest too afraid to go anywhere near my mind."**

For some reason, Kakashi's mind keeps being pulled back to that time when Minato-sensei had died, and every time Kakashi tries to think about something else, it directs him towards Rin's death, or Obito's.

He _knows_ this is unnatural because the flashes of their faces are _too_ clear to merely fleeting thoughts. Kakashi resists the urge to fidget, instead looking around nervously.

"— **shi. Kakashi! Are you listening?"**

Kakashi snaps back to the world of the living when Minato-sensei snaps his name, and Kakashi blinks. **"Ah. Sorry. What?"**

Minato-sensei regards him with no little amount of worry. **"You just… zoned out there for a moment."**

Another quick flash and Kakashi blinks rapidly. **"Sorry."**

 _This isn't natural is it?_

As every second goes by, it seems to get worse, and Kakashi can actually _hear_ their dying words in perfect clarity.

He's stunned back into reality when a pair of warm hands cup his cheeks and Kakashi tries to concentrate, biting on his tongue. **"Kakashi, are you alright?"**

" _Heh… you okay, Bakashi?"_

" **Kakashi!"**

" _Ka… ka… shi…"_

" **Oi! Stay with me, Kakashi!"**

There's blood.

Kakashi doesn't know why he's panicking but he is and he's just _there_ and he's _cold and still_ and _so, so much like the dead which he shouldn't be._ Because he's _Tou-san_ and he can't be and Kakashi _doesn't care_ that he's a _"disgrace"_ because he's _Tou-san_.

And then he must've passed out because he's suddenly not there and his feet aren't stained in blood anymore and he's just confused and _leave me alone I don't need your fucking help can't you see you're making me worse?_

 _The rules, rules, rules, rules—rules will always be there unlike Tou-san because Tou-san broke the rules and now he's dead so now Kakashi should always follow them._

Kakashi's just confused because one moment he's _so, so messed up and his mind is kind of like that time Kakashi had broken the window with a kunai_ and the next he's puking his guts out because the person lying on the red foliage _but foliage isn't red it's green and brown_ has Tou-san's _and now Kakashi's_ tanto buried into his stomach and he's _dead, dead, dead, cold and lifeless like Tou-san is now_.

And then suddenly there are no more trees around him and the ground is still red but it's no longer soft and it's rough like a cave because now it isn't just his feet stained it's his paints and arms and he has an eye that doesn't belong to him it belongs to the dumbass lying half crushed beneath him and there's crying in the background and Kakashi dimly is aware it's Rin.

 _I don't want your damn eye I want you to be alive you dumbass I'm so, so sorry this is all my fault isn't it?_

And then there's red again except it's mainly on his front and there's somebody on the other end of his Chidori and _no it's not never her I promised I'm so, so sorry Obito, Rin._

And there's no hope for somebody like him— **"—shi!"**

Kakashi opens his eyes blearily, but it's harder than it should be. Dear god has he been crying again? He blames the dust. That's always been Obito's excuse hasn't it? But this isn't _funny_ because _Obito's dead and this is all my fault—_ **"Kakashi,** _ **calm down right now.**_ **"**

Haha, that's Itachi's voice isn't it? But isn't Itachi dead, _dead, dead, dead like he shouldn't be and he should be a hero he deserves a place on the Memorial Stone doesn't he?_

" _ **Kakashi-senpai!**_ **"**

Tenzo's voice, forceful and _so, so alive_ snaps him out of it, and Kakashi manages to focus, biting on his tongue hard. It hurts and he feels blood seep into his mouth but he relishes and holds onto the pain, trying to sit up but finding himself lethargic and unable to do so.

He's in a place that resembles the hospital, so Kakashi assumes he's in the infirmary of Hogwarts. Tenzo's blurry face comes into view and focuses as he helps Kakashi sit up. His mask is on one side of his face, hurriedly pushed away.

Itachi stands right behind him, dark eyes regarding him with as much worry as an Uchiha is capable of showing.

Kakashi tries to speak but finds he can't. Immediately Tenzo hands him a glass of water, which Kakashi takes gratefully, setting the empty glass on the table next to him. **"Panic attack, I think,"** he says hoarsely with a little embarrassment.

Itachi shakes his head. **"No, it was the dementors. Dumbledore-san drove them off after Namikaze-san flared his chakra when you collapsed. Tenzo went to collect you while I went to fetch Dumbledore-san."**

" **De… men… tors?"** Kakashi lets the foreign word roll of his tongue. It sounds familiar.

Tenzo nods. **"Yes. They are being that make you relive your worst memories and will eat souls given the chance."**

Kakashi frowns. **"Ah. So those were the creatures that had held up the train, and are our partners."**

The Mokuton user dips his head once more in confirmation before seemingly remembering something. Tenzo reaches for a bar of _chocolate_ before handing it to Kakashi. **"Here. This will help. Namikaze-san didn't pass out but he suffered some effects. Pomfrey-san gave him some chocolate and he's sleeping right now; it actually helps."**

Kakashi takes the bar, blinking and staring at the bar before shrugging and peeling the wrapper off. He pulls his mask down before nibbling on the sweet, a little startled at the taste because it's _not_ as sickly sweet as most candy is—in fact, it's actually bitter.

" **You don't have to look away, you know,"** Kakashi comments dryly to his kohai. **"It's nothing you haven't seen before."**

" **It just seems polite,"** Itachi replies.

Kakashi sets the wrapper on the table next to the glass, pulling his mask back up. **"Dumbledore-san doesn't seem to like them."**

Tenzo snorts, disgusted. **"Who would?"**

Then Kakashi remembers what had kept him up.

" **Itachi, Tenzo,"** Kakashi says, **"did you notice something odd about this timeline?"**

Itachi frowns. **"Only slight differences that I believed were because of the ripple effect…"**

" **In our original timeline, you were** _ **eight years my junior**_ **—here, you're only three years younger than me. Actually, if Sasuke is born, then where's Naruto?"**

Realization dawns on the two ANBU's faces. Itachi's eyes widen almost imperceptibly.

" **Not to mention, I don't remember a single thing about this long term mission,"** Kakashi continues. **"Also, if we were really time travelers, then** _ **we wouldn't exist**_ **because of said ripple effect."**

Tenzo's eyes narrow slightly. **"Normally, any smart shinobi would be able to figure this out on their own,"** Tenzo murmurs. **"That means that some external force is at work. But for what reason?"**

Kakashi shrugs helplessly.

Itachi throws his own two cents in. **"Like you said, we shouldn't exist if we were time travelers, and we were all pulled out of different times. Kamui is a technique that spans different dimensions—then it wouldn't be too farfetched an idea that we come from separate dimensions that went down the exact same path, but at different speeds."**

Kakashi frowns. **"Our chakra coils, at least the spiritual part, have remained the same and are practically overflowing, but our physical chakra is terrible, which I've been working on, by the way. So if that's the case, our** _ **souls**_ **are in foreign bodies."**

" **If that's the case, we can't assume that the original souls that belong in here have simply** _ **died**_ **,"** Tenzo adds.

Horror passes over Kakashi's face. **"No way… that means…"**

Kakashi groans loudly. **"That means that the broody, angsting, stick-up-his-ass me is the fucking** _ **Hokage**_ **!"**

" **There are other more pressing matters,"** Itachi interrupts. **"Somebody must've tampered with our minds, if only slightly, to make this matter seem very unimportant."**

Kakashi tilts his head slightly, considering for a moment. **"I'm not sure if it's important, but at some point, before we were heading for Hogwarts, Minato-sensei mentioned me and two others my age talking with the Sandaime** _ **very**_ **often."**

" **I'll send a messenger falcon to the Sandaime then,"** Tenzo offers. **"I'll ask to hold a meeting with him as soon as possible with you two as well."**

Itachi and Kakashi nod. **"Sounds good,"** Kakashi agrees. **"I'd like to get to the bottom off this mess."**

~oOo~

 **a/n:** Eh, not many HP characters this chapter, sorry! But I hope this explains a lot of crap that needed to be explained~ but hey, at least the plot is picking up!

At least there's a dementor scene, because I'm pretty sure most people can agree that every HP x-over in the 3rd book needs a dementor scene.

Thanks for eleven reviews last chapter! As a reward, have an extra early chapter!

New question:

Would you be interested with a spinoff story for drabbles/one-shots based on this AU? As in, one-shots/drabbles of what happened in the month before the story actually kicked off, or maybe a rewrite of any prior chapters through another character's point of view.

Constructive criticism is great, and shout out, once more, to Umecchi for pointing out my error with Naruto, and Twisted Pxl and Guest for pointing out my error with the Mangekyo Sharingan.


	7. Chapter 6

**Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

+Sorry for the later than usual update. I had a lot of plot bunnies and writer's block to work out… Oh and high school's pretty hectic as well…

~oOo~

"Hey, glad to see you're feeling better, Kakashi!"

Kakashi huffs in annoyance when Minato-sensei ruffles his hair, batting his hand away. "Of _course_ I'm fine, sensei."

Minato-sensei positively pouts. "But Kashi-kun, I was _worried._ "

"I know you were," Kakashi sighs and wonders who the adult here is. (Then again, Kakashi _is_ older than Minato-sensei by a good twenty years.) "The dementors are simply… nasty."

"Nasty isn't even scratching the surface." Minato-sensei grimaces slightly. "Are you okay though?"

"I'm fine, sensei—"

"What did you dream of?"

Kakashi exhales slowly, closing his eyes and leaning against the bedpost of Minato-sensei's bed. They're alone, and it's quiet without his teammates around.

"Death," he finally says after a very, very long pause. Kakashi's exhausted, and he doesn't bother hiding it. "A lot of death. I nearly broke when I woke up."

His sensei frowns. "Kakashi, the dementors showed you your worst memories. I heard you mumbling our names." Kakashi doesn't need Minato-sensei to elaborate on who _"our"_ is.

Kakashi doesn't open his eyes and tries to relax. He doesn't. "It's in my memories then."

"Kakashi," Minato-sensei says. "What aren't you telling me?"

Kakashi flops backward on Minato-sensei's bed, looking up at the canopy. "You and I, like any other shinobi, hide things," Kakashi murmurs. "I just happen to hide more than you do."

" _Please_ , Kakashi. At least let me help."

He rolls over on his side. "You've done plenty," Kakashi tells him truthfully.

"But clearly not enough—I'm your _teacher_ for god's sake—"

Kakashi cuts him off with a cold, sharp, and _bitter_ laugh. _I failed your_ son _as his teacher._ "You don't have an obligation to me, sensei. And I'm dealing with it fine. I have help in other sources." _Tenzo and Itachi._

Minato-sensei takes a deep breath, exhales slowly. "…Alright. But if I honestly think you can't deal with it—therapy."

"Therapy is useless. But whatever you say, sensei."

~oOo~

A tap on his shoulder at breakfast, four days later, makes him turn. Itachi is standing here, having materialized out of nothing. He holds up a scroll and says, **"Namikaze-san isn't in the room. We've received a scroll. It requires us three to open."**

Kakashi nods. **"Alright. I'll be there."**

Itachi disappears and Kakashi turns to his tablemates. "I'm really sorry," he says sincerely and inclines his head. "Something came up, and I need to go."

"It's no problem," Hermione dismisses. "Do what you need to."

"Thanks." Kakashi proceeds to shunshin out of the Hall and into the room, where Tenzo and Itachi are waiting.

Tenzo's mask is brushed to the side of his face while Itachi's is attached at his hip. Kakashi takes a seat across from them, the scroll being the center, and rests his hand on the scroll with Tenzo and Itachi before sending chakra through the scroll. Promptly, the scroll unravels.

Itachi's sharp eyes scan over the page quickly, and upon reaching the bottom of the scroll, he rubs his temples and sighs explosively.

A little surprised and worried at the Uchiha's blatant sign of emotion, Kakashi quirks an eyebrow. "So?"

Wordlessly, Itachi begins to form hand signs, and Kakashi reads them—they're the standard ANBU hand signs only ANBU and the Hokage can read—but Kakashi, being ex-ANBU, understands them perfectly.

 _The Sandaime says that a little more than a month before our mission, he'd received a letter from our current client. It was an urgent letter detailing not only a mission request but a seal for time-mind-swap ninjutsu, but when the Sandaime checked, it had clearly been used at least two or three times, and the residual chakra was foreign._

 _He began to consult us three—mainly because of our abilities, and assumed that we would be far stronger in the future—and that's true. Hokage-sama had no idea whether it worked or not, and your team to Hogwarts in thanks for our client's information. Apparently our minds being muddled is a side effect of the ninjutsu, so nobody tampered with our minds._

 _Hokage-sama, before us two ANBU had come here, had asked us to watch out for oddly strong shinobi—and I'm assuming those are the ones who have been brought to this universe along with us._

 _Hokage-sama said that we were brought here from the "future" to make sure that the "future" enemy shinobi do not attack us. The main reason he sent us on this mission is not only because our client needed it; the scroll was found in this area, and we have reason to assume that the enemy is here as well._

Kakashi and Tenzo are silent, taking a moment to digest the information. "It makes sense," Kakashi murmurs. "I suppose, our dimension's Hokage or not, he's still the Hokage."

Tenzo nods. "Let's finish the mission here and complete what the Hokage has asked of us."

Itachi rolls up the scroll and sets fire to it with a well-placed Katon no Jutsu and removes the ashes before rising. "We can discuss things later."

"Then tomorrow night in the Forbidden Forest?" Kakashi suggests. "I'll only go if I can go without Minato-sensei though."

Tenzo smirks. "Why, senpai, you actually sound your physical age—" Kakashi silences him with the glare he'd perfected over the years— _However bad you think you are, I'm worse._ [1]

His kohai gulps. "Okay. Yeah. Understood, senpai."

~oOo~

"I don't mean to pry, but what were you talking about in your room this morning?" Harry asks on the way to Potions, grimacing at the sight of the door.

"Oh! We were discussing things about our life," Kakashi replies cheerfully, and Hermione, Harry, and Ron grimace at the non-answer.

Kakashi, as usual, takes a seat near Neville and Hermione, usually close by to Harry and Ron as well. What Kakashi had said about the boy being a prodigy when it comes to potions isn't actually a lie—he aces Herbology, and he understands how many plants work and how to care for them.

(He remembers the look on Hermione, Harry, and Ron's faces when he told them that Neville has the potential to be better than _Snape_ of all people at Potions. It was absolutely _priceless._ )

Despite what most others might think, Kakashi and Snape get along quite well—with the rate that Kakashi is making friends with the Potions Master, he might even be able to convince the professor to be nicer to Neville. (Not that he isn't doing that already…)

Kakashi likes to say it's his own personal charm, but it's probably only because Snape enjoys watching him make snarky comments.

Snape drifts past Neville without giving him a second glance, looking into Neville's cauldron quickly before heading to pick on Harry. Unfortunately, Kakashi doubts he'd ever be able to break Snape of that unfortunate habit.

"To be fair, Professor Snape," Kakashi speaks up cheerfully, "Malfoy's potion turned the same color as Harry's."

Snape's gaze flickers to Malfoy's potion and back to Harry's. "I suppose both of you deserve half-credit then," he murmurs icily, sounding displeased.

Kakashi is quite glad that Obito isn't in the room right now, because if he was, then Kakashi would have to hold him back from beating the crap out of the teacher.

(Obito _hates_ the dungeons for some reason—during their exploration of the school, Obito had turned green and had mumbled something about princesses and had run away. Naturally, he avoids the dungeons like the plague.)

Malfoy glares vengefully at Kakashi but wisely holds his tongue while Harry gives Kakashi a grateful look as he casually "stretches" and slips a piece of paper with clearer instructions along with a cheerful note: "I think you need better glasses."

Harry stares, open-mouthed, at the extra note and blinks rapidly. He quickly regains his composure, shaking his head, and begins to do his potion again.

Kakashi smiles.

~oOo~

 **OMAKE:**

Kakashi blinks blearily at the huge stack of papers and feels _very, very_ sorry for his older self.

 _But seriously, who was the retard who thought it'd be a great idea to make_ me _Hokage?_ Kakashi thinks, raising an eyebrow before touching the weird scar over his eye.

Soon after waking in this body, a Minato-sensei-clone had barged in, followed by a pink-haired kunoichi and a broody boy who looked like an Uchiha, all of them shouting that his chakra had depleted to ridiculous extents.

Kakashi had explained everything to them and surprisingly, they ate it up.

When he'd asked why, the broody boy (who _was_ an Uchiha!) had deadpanned and said in a deadly serious tone: "When you live in a world with Naruto fucking Namikaze-Uzumaki, you can believe literally anything."

Thankfully, he doesn't have to do any paperwork, since he's apparently a "clueless eleven year old bratty Kaka-sensei" (albeit the nickname is annoying), _but_ he has to take a ridiculous history lesson with _holy shit is that Tsunade-sama._

"So, brat," she says, taking a seat and sighing explosively, "what have you gotten yourself into _this_ time?" It's a rhetorical question, but Kakashi takes that to mean that his older self gets into trouble a lot.

"Um," he replies intelligently. Then he blurts out, "You haven't aged a day!"

Tsunade-sama simply smiles wryly. "Oh, I wish. It's just a genjutsu." She raps her fingers over the desk table. "Well, let's start."

Kakashi… let's just say he was never the _same_ afterwards.

~oOo~

[1] Bonus points to who gets the reference here.

 **a/n:** I am _so, so sorry_ for the lateness of this chapter!

Writer's block is annoying. But I hope the Omake makes up for it… somewhat. It's a little anecdote of 11 year old Kakashi.

Well, here's a little non-OW&B related question:

From the epilogue, what was your _least_ favorite canon pairing and what was your favorite?

My least favorite was Sakura and Sasuke and my favorite was Shikamaru and Temari.

The former pairing I don't _hate_ but I personally think Sakura deserved someone better.

(Don't hate me pls)


	8. Chapter 7

**Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

~oOo~

"So," Obito begins, crossing his arms and scowling, "why're you spending more time with _them_ than us?"

Kakashi blinks and a smirk begins to form on his face. "Aww, is little Obito-chan _jealous_ that I'm spending time with ANBU?"

Obito sputters indignantly. "I… no! Who'd want to spend time with _you_ anyway? It's just that you're our _teammate_!"

Kakashi laughs before leaning in conspiratorially, Rin and Obito doing so instinctively as well. Knowing fully well that Itachi and Tenzo can hear him, he stage whispers, "Those ANBU are _assholes,_ I swear. I mean, they're _ANBU_. I literally _can't_ say no, or else they'll report me to the Hokage or something!"

He hears Tenzo choke like a dying cat and smirks triumphantly, inwardly.

Obito and Rin look _horrified_ at the prospect. "That's _horrible_ ," Rin replies in a low tone.

"I know right," Kakashi agrees. "And did you know? They're both younger than _me_. And they keep _rubbing it in my face_ that _they_ got scouted for ANBU and _I_ didn't! If ANBU's like that, I'm _glad_ I'm not in it!"

"Yeah, me too!" Obito announces, pulling back as Kakashi and Rin do so.

"And besides, aren't I spending time with you right now?"

Rin nods enthusiastically. "I discovered this _amazing_ room on the third floor of the school while going around! Do you want to come see?"

"Sure." Kakashi turns to Obito. "Are you coming along as well?"

"Of course! Lead the way, Rin!"

Rin waves them over through the door and heads up the stairs, Kakashi and Obito following after her as she looks around.

Once they reach a hallway on the third floor, Rin walks up and down the hallway three times, much to Kakashi and Obito's confusion.

"Ah, this room is magical!" Rin exclaims. "The two twins, Fred-san and George-san, said that you needed to walk up and down three times while thinking of what kind of room you want! I tried it a few times, so I know it works."

True to Rin's word, a door appears, and curiosity piqued, Kakashi follows Rin into the room.

Kakashi gives a cursory look around; it looks like a miniature training area. "Wow, it's really amazing," he comments. As he watches, a bookshelf appears out of nowhere, and he jumps back a little, much to Rin's amusement.

"The bookshelf appeared because I forgot to add that in my initial thoughts," Rin explains before walking over and picking a book off the shelf and showing it to Kakashi.

He takes the book. _**A Complete Record of Konoha's History**_ is the title, written in kanji. "Hmm. How curious." Kakashi realizes that this is actually a different copy of the same book in one of Konoha's bookstores. "What's this room called?"

"It's called the Room of Requirement," Rin answers, smiling as Obito walks around on the top of a pond— _how the hell did a pond even appear in this room anyway?_

Kakashi gives it another once over. It's a smaller and indoor version of a Konoha training ground, or at least that's what Kakashi's comparing it to.

Now is one of those times where Kakashi wishes he had a Sharingan so he can read all of the chakra signatures around the area—but even without a Sharingan, he can feel the pure magic and chakra mixture in the air.

Kakashi shelves the book once more before joining Obito on the water. It's real, then.

 _This defies all logic in this world. I feel so sorry for all of those researchers because magic just shits on their hard work and flips them off while shouting "Fuck you!" and flying away on a fucking broomstick._

Obito and Rin are giving him weird looks. "Oh. Did I say that out loud?"

"Uh, yes. But you _do_ have a point."

"Don't I always?"

Rin considers before conceding. "Yes, you _usually_ do."

" _Usually?_ "

Rin sighs. "I am _not_ having this conversation with you, Kakashi."

Kakashi smirks at her. It's not like she can see it anyway, what with his mask and all.

 _Maybe I should put aside even more time for my teammates,_ Kakashi muses. _I hate to admit, but this is fun._

Then Kakashi "subtly" douses Obito with a well-placed splash of water and flees the surface of the pond to escape his wrath.

 _Yeah. Life is great,_ he thinks as Obito tries to kill him.

~oOo~

"Um," Harry says awkwardly. "Why are you soaked, and why are your clothes singed?"

Kakashi beams. "Rin showed Obito and me this _amazing_ room this morning—the Room of Requirement!"

"That doesn't really answer my question," Harry replies dryly.

"I may or may not have soaked Obito with water," Kakashi confesses. "I didn't really realize that there were slugs in the water. And naturally he tried to kill me afterwards. It took me about an hour to get out all the slugs in my clothes and hair."

"Um, hey, Kakashi," Ron says nervously, "by any chance, is Obito still trying to kill you?"

"No, why?"

Ron breathes a sigh of relief. " _Good._ "

"Eh? Why?"

"Because he's coming around the corner," Hermione points out.

Kakashi smiles awkwardly. "Well, gotta go, haha! Goodness, I forgot I had an appointment…"

Then he shunshins away, fleeing from his _very_ angry teammate. Who has a slug on his face.

Of course, once Kakashi had lost Obito, he'd joined Harry, Hermione, and Ron again for class.

~oOo~

" _How could you, senpai?_ " Tenzo wails, sounding dangerously close to tears. " _You made us out to be horrible people!_ "

Kakashi inwardly began to panic, fidgeting uncomfortable while Tenzo shoves his face very close to his, eyes filling up with tears.

"You're faking, aren't you," Kakashi says matter-of-factly. Then, in a slightly panicked tone, he adds hastily, "Please tell me you're faking."

From a few feet away, Itachi's lips are visibly quirking up into an amused smile. Kakashi glares at him venomously.

" _How could you senpai? I_ _ **respect**_ _you!_ "

"How did else did you want me to explain how I know you two?"

" _I don't know! But you didn't have to make us sound like utter assholes! Senpai!_ "

Kakashi sighs. "I'm _sorry_ okay, Tenzo?" He pats his kohai's head awkwardly, like how he might with a puppy.

To his utter shock, Tenzo practically purrs like a cat and Kakashi scuttles away from him skittishly, eyes wide in shock.

"Tenzo," Kakashi says in all seriousness. "Your ANBU mask has become one with you."

"Wha?" Tenzo says, blinking owlishly.

"You're acting _way_ too much like a cat," Kakashi informs him. He then turns to Itachi. "Please don't tell me you act like a weasel."

Itachi raises an eyebrow. "How does one act like a weasel anyway?"

Kakashi considers for a moment. "Good point." Then his palm is introduced to his face. "We aren't even talking about what we're supposed to be talking about."

"What _are_ we supposed to be talking about?" Tenzo asks.

"The time/dimensional travel," Itachi deadpans. "How do you forget something like that?"

"Uh, when you find out that your kohai is secretly _part cat_ you kind of forget about little things like that," Kakashi retorts.

"' _Little things'_?" Itachi and Tenzo exclaim incredulously at the same time.

Kakashi glares at Tenzo. "You don't have a right to say 'little things' in that tone of voice when _you_ forgot as well."

"Yes, yes, senpai," Tenzo sighs.

"You know, it'd be wonderful if we'd stop going off topic," Itachi drones monotonously.

Kakashi nods. "Alright. So do you have any idea how our younger selves might be fucking up the timelines?"

Tenzo shrugs. "I didn't change much."

"I was about to die, if you don't remember," Itachi retorts.

"You," Kakashi states, pointing at Tenzo, "got no character development? Huh." Then he turns to Itachi. "Looks like your younger self will be sitting in the afterlife for a while until we finish this mission."

Kakashi rubs his temples. " _My_ younger self is the motherfucking _Hokage._ Kami-sama knows how he's fucking up my timeline."

Tenzo stifles a laugh. "I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that somebody appointed _you_ as Hokage, senpai. And man, an eleven year old Hokage, huh?"

Kakashi shoots Tenzo a glare. "Hey, it wasn't _my_ idea! And there was no way in hell I was going to give the position to _Naruto_ after a war!"

"Point taken."

"You know, I don't really want to go back," Itachi muses. "But it'd be cruel to let my younger self stay in the afterlife because of my mistakes. So I suppose I should take it like a man and die."

Kakashi chortles. " _Take it like a man…_ do you know how funny it is hearing it from _you_ , Itachi?"

"Just as funny as hearing your pubescent voice is, I suppose," Itachi replies nonchalantly.

Kakashi scowls. " _Hey!_ I _know_ you've heard it before, what's so surprising about it?!"

"That's Tenzo, not me."

"I think we're going on tangents again," Tenzo pipes up helpfully.

Itachi stifles a yawn as he replies, "Yes. I suppose we are."

"This talk was completely useless," Kakashi declares. "I vote that we only do this when one of us can't sleep. Off to bed now, kids!"

"Kids," Itachi deadpans.

"What? I'm like, twenty something years older than you!"

"You _act_ twenty something years younger than us," Tenzo retorts.

Kakashi rolls his eyes. "Just go to bed you two." Without waiting for a reply, he shunshins quietly back into his bed and tosses the covers over him completely.

~oOo~

 **OMAKE:**

Itachi blinks rapidly, almost panicked.

 _Holy shit why did I end up in a world where my older self is dying—wait is that_ Sasuke?

It _is_ Sasuke, and he's watching him with an impassive expression, but he can detect hints of melancholy in them.

Wait, the Sasuke _he_ knows would be bawling his head off if Itachi is dying.

 _Holy shit is my body disintegrating._

And then, poof, he's no longer there.

Itachi opens his eyes on in a…

In a waiting room?

It's _huge_ and it's _packed._

He's back to his normal size, thankfully, but it's also quite disorienting, spotting a few familiar faces, just _older._

"Holy shit, Itachi! When did you get so tiny?"

Itachi jumps, looking up at a weird shark dude. "Uh? Who are you?"

Shark Dude almost looks hurt. "Come on, don't tell me you're also _mentally_ that age. I thought that once you died you didn't get brain damage or whatever."

"Uh, stranger-san, I really don't know you."

Shark Dude sighs. "I guess it can't be helped. It's _Kisame Hoshigaki._ I was your partner. And then I died. And got brought back, like the rest of this fucktards here. And then we died all at once again, so I'm pretty sure that's why the waiting room is so packed. Ringing any bells at all?"

Itachi shakes his head hesitantly.

"Looks like there's no other choice. Come on, we've got time. I'll tell you about everything."

Poor Itachi would never be quite the same.

~oOo~

 **a/n:** Have I ever told you? _I really love reviews._


	9. Chapter 8

**Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

*Updates might come slower, since I _am_ busy.

~oOo~

"Ah, Kakashi, I'm glad I caught you!"

Kakashi blinks, turning around. Minato-sensei is breathing slightly heavily, as if he'd just run across the school; maybe he _had_ done that. "Uh, yes?"

"Remus-san mentioned that there's a boggart loose, and they're trying to capture and remove it," Minato-sensei informs him. "I want you to be careful, okay?"

"Oh, okay," Kakashi agrees. "I'm not about to go after a boggart. I'll agree that I'm reckless when it comes to certain things, but I'm _not_ masochistic."

Minato-sensei looks relieved. "Oh, okay. Good. I'd better go find those two ANBU—"

"Cat's in the room, and Weasel's patrolling the third floor."

Minato-sensei nods. "Thanks!" Then he shunshins off with a few select hand seals.

As soon as his teacher is gone, Kakashi lets the casual face fall away, and he looks up at the ceiling pensively as he walks through the halls, absentmindedly playing with a kunai.

 _A boggart, huh?_ Kakashi muses, actually quite worried by this news. He senses Harry, Ron, and Hermione's tiny chakra signatures and their more colorful and vibrant magical ones coming around the bend, and Kakashi slips the kunai back into its holster and puts his façade back up just as they appear.

"Oh, hey, Kakashi," Harry calls. "Aren't you worried about the boggart?"

"Yes," Kakashi admits. "Kind of. My fears are… graphic. I hope I don't run into it."

"Why're you hanging around alone, then?" Ron asks curiously. "Professor Lupin said that the best way to counter a boggart is to be in groups."

"Hmm? Oh, I _just_ got the news a few minutes ago. Minato-sensei came to talk about it."

"Then, do you want to walk with us?" Hermione offers.

"Where are you going?" Kakashi inquires.

"We're just exploring the castle," Harry explains. "Since we really have nothing to do, we're going to look around the castle."

Kakashi shrugs. "Alright, then." He falls into their pace next to Ron. "Then, do you think we could go to the kitchens afterwards? Ron's twin brothers told me how to get in."

Ron and Harry grin while Hermione just purses her lips and sighs. "I don't see why not," Ron says. "I mean, it's hardly breaking the rules, right?"

"Fine, fine," Hermione cedes.

They walk along the corridor, looking around. Kakashi spots his door, and behind that, Tenzo's unique chakra signature. "This is our room," Kakashi announces. "I don't think you three have visited, have you?"

"Um, _can_ we?" Hermione asks uncertainly. "I mean, not to say we aren't curious, but we wouldn't want to intrude…"

Kakashi flaps a hand dismissively. "It's only Cat in there, and I don't think he bites. Not like he _can_ bite behind that mask." He opens the door, beckoning them inside.

"Hatake-san," Tenzo—no, _Cat_ , because that is _Cat,_ and not Tenzo—says in a clipped tone.

"We aren't bothering you, ANBU-san," Kakashi sighs. "Go back to sharpening your nails, or whatever you do."

Cat's eyes narrow slightly behind the mask before huffing (that is almost _certainly_ Tenzo's gesture) and turning back to his book.

"Well, welcome to our room," Kakashi announces, gesturing to the six beds hidden by curtains.

"Wait, you sleep _in the same room?_ " Hermione demands. "All of you?"

"Is there a problem with that?" Kakashi asks. "The room's certainly big enough."

"I mean, isn't _Rin_ a _girl_ , and aren't the rest of you _guys_? Well, if Weasel and Cat are guys as well."

Kakashi blinks faux innocently at Hermione. "Is there a problem with sharing a room with someone of the opposite gender?"

Harry and Ron grimace. "Hey, Kakashi, mate," Ron says slowly. "Do you know how babies are made?"

Tenzo (that's _definitely_ Tenzo now) makes a choking/coughing noise that sounds suspiciously like a laugh. Kakashi just straight up laughs. "I know about the birds and the bees, certainly," Kakashi says cheerfully. "I know _exactly_ how part A is inserted into part B."

Kakashi pauses. "It's just that in our society, 'male' and 'female' really doesn't make much difference. Certainly, we have different… bodily functions… and… _appendages_ … but…" Kakashi coughs slightly before continuing. "Well, it just doesn't make much of a difference to us. I mean, an _adult_ woman and an _adult_ man could sleep in the _exact same bed_ but not everybody would point and say 'those two are together' or something."

"Oh, I see," Hermione says. "That clears a lot of things up."

"Actually, people are more inclined to point fingers and say 'those two are together' if two women, or two men, were to sleep in the same bed," Kakashi says thoughtfully, tapping his cheek slightly.

"Why?" Harry asks, intrigued.

"Well, usually, people in our society are closer to those who're of the same sex," Kakashi says nonchalantly. "It usually happens to men, because there _are_ a larger amount of men in service than women, and when it comes to our line of work, we are _extremely_ tightknit."

"Huh. That actually makes sense," Ron says, sounding a little surprised.

Kakashi snorts. "Certainly." He tilts his head. "So, do you like our room?"

"Yeah." Harry nods. "So, do you want to head down to the kitchens now?"

~oOo~

Kakashi huffs in frustration as he heads up to the room again. _Rrgh! Stupid boggart that has no chakra so I can't sense it!_

That boggart has been seriously putting Kakashi on edge; he's been looking everywhere dark just to make sure there's no boggart hiding there.

Tenzo's chakra signature is the only one missing from the room, but Kakashi isn't too worried; he's walking around the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. He opens the door, sighing explosively and enters, shutting the door behind him.

Obito and Rin look up from whatever game they're playing when he enters, and Itachi doesn't react at all, merely setting a completed paper crane on the table next to him. There's a shower running, and Kakashi assumes it's Minato-sensei.

Kakashi sits down in a chair across from Itachi, picking up a small piece of paper and beginning to join Itachi in folding the tiny paper cranes littered around the table. As he folds, he subtly forms the ANBU talk with his hands. _"So, a thousand paper cranes? You believe in that?"_

" _No. I am simply bored, and I thought my little brother would like a chain of paper cranes,"_ Itachi signs back.

Kakashi makes a small noise at the back of his throat as he sets a blue and white patterned paper crane on the table and picks up his sixteenth piece of paper.

The water stops, and after a few minutes, Minato-sensei comes out in his night clothes and flops onto his bed with an explosive sigh. "Haaah. That stupid boggart's been keeping me on edge all day," Minato-sensei complains.

"You're not the only one," Kakashi murmurs from his seat and tosses a pink crane onto the table.

"I don't think we'll be getting much sleep tonight," Rin sighs and moves her hand. When Kakashi glances at them, he sees that they're playing chess. Not wizard's chess, since the pieces have to be moved manually. "Checkmate."

Her words are very foreboding, even if Rin herself isn't aware of it.

~oOo~

Kakashi sits bolt upright as soon as Tenzo's chakra flares in a way only a terrified shinobi's can, and rolls out of bed hastily, racing for the door at the same time Itachi and Minato-sensei do. "I'm going," Kakashi hisses angrily, yanking the door open and stepping outside of the recently installed shunshin wards' ranges.

He quickly goes through the hand signs for the shunshin and disappears and reappears in the Gryffindor common room where Tenzo's panicked signature is. Only Minato-sensei appears with him, and Kakashi assumes Itachi's gone to fetch Dumbledore once more.

Kakashi spots Tenzo on the ground, mask askew and his hand covering his mouth in a pathetic attempt to stop the sobs of terror.

Then he spots Tenzo's fear, and Kakashi is… touched, but he really doesn't appreciate seeing his older self's dead body right now.

Quickly, he races to Tenzo and drags him out of the boggart's range. "Tenzo," he growls. "Snap out of it. I am _not_ dead. Itachi is _not_ dead. _Nobody here is dead._ "

"I… I…" Tenzo takes in a huge shuddering breath. "I know, senpai." Kakashi awkwardly pats his kohai's head, and he trembles, still out of it. Kakashi's sharp nose can smell vomit, definitely from the other students.

Kakashi's instincts scream at him to run away immediately, and Kakashi never doubts his instincts. Immediately, he picks Tenzo up and onto his back before he shunshins in front of their room, opening the door with a surge of chakra, and setting Tenzo on his bed.

Obito and Rin are already out of bed, alert and certainly unhappy with the lack of action they're getting. He understands the feeling of being useless.

"Kakashi!" Rin exclaims. "Is that… Cat?"

"No," Kakashi snaps. "Right now, he's Tenzo." Tenzo blinks blearily up at him.

"'m s'ry, s'npai," Tenzo slurs.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, you idiot," Kakashi sighs affectionately. "You're still human, and you still have emotions like the rest of us. Go to sleep before I knock you out; you've had a long night."

Tenzo smiles faintly before rolling over. Within moments, he's asleep. Kakashi stands from his seat on Tenzo's bed and pulls the curtains shut. "I'm going back down to see what's happening," he tells his teammates. "You three can come if you like."

He opens the door and forms the shunshin seals for the second time that night, and finds himself in the common room again, right next to Neville Longbottom, who jumps.

"K-K-K-Kakashi!" he stutters. Neville, like most of the rest of the students, looks traumatized, and Kakashi really can't blame them, since most of them have never seen blood before, let alone _corpses._

"Neville-san," Kakashi murmurs. He pauses. How should he go about doing this…? "Um…" He turns to the rest of the students huddled in this corner before bowing deeply. "We apologize sincerely for the inconvenience this has created," he mumbles, eyes trained on the ground.

"I-it's not your fault, Kakashi, and it isn't Cat's fault either," Neville exclaims, worried. "If anything… is he okay?"

Kakashi straightens. "He's sleeping now, and he should be fine by tomorrow," he answers. _Not really._ "But seeing that must've been… traumatic, for you."

Ron breathes out heavily. "Blimey, and to think my fear was _spiders…_ "

Kakashi smiles humorlessly. "It was a little disconcerting to see my own dead body, to be honest, but that's hardly anything I haven't seen before. Ten—Cat's certainly seen worse, but those people happen to be the very few people he cares deeply about." He pauses. "You might have nightmares for a while. I suggest you go to the infirmary to receive sleeping potions. Rest might be good for you all."

Harry nods mutely while Hermione looks like she's only barely comprehending what had just happened.

Kakashi passes by Dumbledore calmly reassuring a young girl to stand by Itachi, who also looks out of his element. "You can head back to watch over Tenzo," Kakashi murmurs. "I'll take it from here."

Itachi nods silently and shunshins away.

This is going to be a _long_ night of comforting people—something that isn't even his strong suit. That's always been Minato-sensei and Rin's.

~oOo~

 **OMAKE**

Tenzo looks around nervously. What the hell?

Why's he _in a tent?_ He blinks and starts as somebody enters the tent.

"Ah, you're awake, Tenzo," says a white-haired stranger. He looks vaguely familiar.

"Um, I don't recognize you," Tenzo mumbles before adding hurriedly, "But that's to be expected! I'm not sure if you would believe me, but I'm actually from a random number of years in the past… how old am I, anyway?"

The stranger blinks bemusedly. "You certainly do act like Tenzo when he was ten. And you have his chakra. I'll… believe you for now. You're thirty."

"Uh, you look familiar. Who are you?"

"I'm Kakashi Hatake."

 _Kakashi Hatake, Kakashi Hatake, Kakashi—_ "Oh! Yes. You're Namikaze-san's student and the White Fang's son, right?"

Kakashi looks faintly amused. "I haven't been recognized through my father and my teacher in a really long time," he sighs before taking a seat. "Alright, I'll tell you a bit."

Tenzo really wishes he'd stayed in the past.

~oOo~

 **a/n:** I AM SO, SO SORRY ABOUT THE LATE UPDATE I SWER

Well, some of you guys wanted a boggart scene.

 _You got one._

I hope you enjoy!


	10. Chapter 9

**Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

Sorry this is so late! My muse got lost on the road of life—*shot

~oOo~

Kakashi can feel Minato-sensei and Tenzo's distinctive chakra signatures in the room they share. Frowning slightly, Kakashi hides his presence and shunshins to the door silently, gingerly pressing an ear to the door to eavesdrop on their conversation—and it seems they are having a conversation, like Kakashi had suspected.

"—relationship with my student?" Minato-sensei is saying in a cold voice. It doesn't suit him at all.

"You have three students," is Cat's crisp and clipped reply. "Specify which you are talking about."

"Do not play dumb with me, Cat. But if I must, I am talking about Kakashi Hatake."

"We are teammates for the duration of this mission. Nothing more." Kakashi can smell the lie, even across the door. Minato-sensei doesn't have his nose, nor his knowledge.

"Explain then, how Kakashi knows your real name."

"He is a good shinobi. Any good shinobi would be able to find it out."

"Kakashi is not that good of a shinobi, at least not yet. Do not lie to me."

Kakashi's honestly a little stung by that comment and grits his teeth slightly in irritation, as Cat had not been lying.

"Any other information is classified," Cat responds coolly. "If you would wish to know, send the Hokage-sama a message and ask for permission. I cannot tell you much unless you have received the Hokage-sama's explicit permission."

Kakashi puts pressure on the handle and opens the door, marching in.

"Kakashi—! When did you—?!" Minato-sensei sputters, and Kakashi treasures the expression, storing it away at the back of his mind to relish later on.

"I'm hurt, Minato-sensei," Kakashi says, putting one hand over his heart in a purposefully overly dramatic gesture. "I mean, 'not that good of a shinobi', when you couldn't feel my presence outside the door?"

"Kakashi—I didn't mean—! Wait, you heard—?!" Minato-sensei looks torn between being frantic and flustered and being impressed.

"Calm down, sensei," Kakashi remarks, sounding far too amused. "I was just kidding."

Tenzo's dark eyes watch with thinly veiled mirth behind the cat mask. "Namikaze-san, it seems you do need to take back your statement," he comments. "Hatake-san is… eccentric… but a competent shinobi. Competent enough to mask his presence enough that a shinobi of your caliber was unable to detect him."

"How are you still a chuunin?" Minato-sensei asks dejectedly.

"Because I love you guys too much," Kakashi beams. He turns to Tenzo. "And Cat-san, don't act like you're older than me. You're a year my junior." _Actually, even more than that._

Tenzo scowls behind the mask. It's only because Kakashi is well practiced in the ways of Tenzo that he catches it, and simply tilts his head and gives him one of his famous "eye-smiles", as Naruto had so creatively dubbed it.

"I am… aware. You act six years my junior."

"Why, thank you."

Minato-sensei looks between the two of them, bemused, before shaking his head and standing up, heading outside.

Once Kakashi is certain he's gone, he turns to Tenzo, taking a seat next to him on Tenzo's bed, tugging his mask off gently, and marvels at seeing Tenzo's ten year old face once more.

"So, are you really okay?" he asks casually, kicking his feet childishly, only proving Tenzo's previous statement of his mental age.

"I could be worse," Tenzo admits. "I've _had_ worse, as well. You should know that, senpai. I'm not at my best, but it could be a lot worse. I mean, I'll get over it before the end of the week. But I'll probably be bothered by it for a while."

"I'm touched, Tenzo," Kakashi murmurs. "I really am." He smiles, a little bitterly. "I'm afraid my personal fears are far more, ah, selfish."

"You? Selfish?" Tenzo barks out a mirthless laugh. "Really."

Kakashi doesn't reply, just falling back on Tenzo's bed with a huff, curling up. They stay like that in companionable silence for a while, and Kakashi almost falls asleep when Tenzo opens his mouth again.

"What is it? Your fear, I mean. B-but if you think that's too invasive, you don't have to answer," Tenzo adds hastily.

Kakashi opens his eyes, giving Tenzo a very long and unamused look. "Are you serious, Tenzo?" he deadpans.

"So… what is it?" Tenzo ventures.

Kakashi sighs and rolls over onto his back, staring up at the roof of Tenzo's bed. "I'm… I'm afraid of the fact that all this—" he gestures wildly "—is all just a figment of my imagination. That you aren't real, or that Itachi isn't real, and that this is all _fake._ I-I'm afraid that I'm really just a rotting corpse caught within the Infinite Tsukiyomi, dreaming all of my achievements and precious people."

"So," Tenzo says slowly, "you're subconsciously thinking that I'm fake."

The other winces. "When you put it like that…"

"Kakashi-senpai, you are an idiot."

"Thank you, I get that a lot."

"From who?"

"You. Naruto. Sakura. Sasuke. Generally everybody."

"Oh."

They lapse back into comfortable silence, only this time, Kakashi is the one to break it. "Say, Tenzo, I hope our younger counterparts aren't messing up the timelines. I mean, I can't say that Itachi's timeline will be broken beyond repair because he's _dead_ , but I worry about yours. Mine is hardly in any danger. I hope you actually have a home to go back to…"

"Thanks," Tenzo says with a tiny hint of dryness. "I needed something like that to think about. Definitely." Okay, a _lot_ of sarcasm there.

"Sorry."

"Move over, senpai."

Kakashi complies and Tenzo flops down next to him. "So, you never told me what happened after Madara," Tenzo prompts, changing the subject rather abruptly. "Did you become Hokage after that?"

Shaking his head, Kakashi thinks back to the last time he had been truly terrified—stock still, a rabbit surrounded by wolves.

"We fought a goddess," Kakashi says, sounding disbelieving. "Kaguya. I was _terrified_ , but in the end, we managed to seal her again." He smiles fondly. "I'm proud of Team Seven."

Tenzo raises an eyebrow. "A goddess, you say?" He laughs lowly. "Well, at least she's gone. Which Team Seven are you talking about, anyway?"

Kakashi turns his face to Tenzo, giving him a look like _are you stupid—wait, that's a stupid question, of course you are._ "I'm talking about Team Seven. Minato-sensei. That idiot Obito. Rin, the little angel of our team."

His gaze falls to the pillow under him. "I'm talking about Team Seven. Naruto, the number one unpredictable ninja. Sasuke, the idiotic genius. Sakura, our terrifying medic."

Kakashi lets himself drop onto the pillow, sighing. "I'm talking about Team Seven. Sai, our favorite emotionally constipated friend." He rolls over a little bit to meet Tenzo's gaze, and smiles warmly at him. "I'm talking about _you._ "

His kohai looks a bit stunned, and really, all he can say is a barely audible _"oh",_ and once he's gathered his wits, Tenzo grins and says, "That was corny, senpai."

~oOo~

Kakashi sets his food aside and randomly asks, "Who're your precious people?"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all jump at the arbitrary question. "What's this, all of a sudden?" Hermione inquires, raising an eyebrow.

"Just curious," Kakashi replies, before adding, a little wistfully, "I was just thinking about mine, is all."

Hermione's face softens a little. "Oh. I see. Well, I'd have to say that these two knuckleheads have to be two of my most precious people. I _am_ the one who keeps them out of trouble, which Harry seems to be a magnet for. Well, my parents are also important to me, as well."

Harry blushes in embarrassment at the analogy. "Can't help it, it's in my nature, Hermione," he grumbles. "Mine have to be these two as well, but Hagrid's great as well."

Ron swallows his food thoughtfully. "Well, my family, and 'Mione and Harry. Who're _your_ precious people, Kakashi?"

Kakashi's expecting the question. "I have many precious people," Kakashi says sincerely. "There's Minato-sensei, who's been with me near my entire life. He's like a brother and a father and everything in between." He glances at said sensei fondly. _He's the self-sacrificing dumbass who gave up his life and soul for the village._

"Then there's also Obito, though I hate to admit it. He's a bit dumb, but he's a nice person, even if he's _loud._ " _The person who gave up his eye and half of his body to save me. The innocent and untainted idiot who became_ that _because of me. Something that will not happen again._

"Rin's another one. She's… kind, and has always looked out for all of us." _She died so she wouldn't hurt anybody. She never deserved such a fate._

Kakashi turns his gaze back to the three sitting across from him and gives them a sincere smile. "If anything, I suppose you three are my precious people now as well."

 _There are many, many more, so many more to name. So many precious people that I will not allow to die again, in the short amount of time I have._

~oOo~

This night, Kakashi does not sleep.

Once he's certain his roommates are all sleeping soundly, he pulls out a sheet of paper and writing utensils.

For an hour, he works diligently, pausing only to think.

Once he is finished, Kakashi smiles slightly at the paper on his lap before folding the paper and sliding it under his pillow, laying back down.

 _They deserve at least this much,_ is Kakashi's last drowsy thought before he lets his overworked mind rest.

~oOo~

 **a/n:** WHELP OVERDUE CHAPTER GUIS

NOT TO MENTION IT'S SO SAPPY I MEAN WHAT WHY

HEY AT LEAST IT'S FLUFFY

Sorry if the Tenzo/Kakashi scene was kind of yaoi-ish I SWEAR IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL I JUST SHIP THESE TWO TO DEATH

I mean they're adorkable how do you not like these two

*cough

Anyways over the week I was gone (IM SORRY OK) I finished _Kuroko's Basketball/The Basketball Which Kuroko Plays_ and am ALMOST done with _Noragami._ I have to say, I'm kind of proud of myself haha.

So if you like either of these works, or like my work (HAHA ADMIT IT NOBODY LIKES MY WORK) I might consider writing for those two fandoms, though the _Noragami_ fandom seems pathetically tiny… I've already written for _Kuroko's Basketball_ though.

But I'm just curious, for any of you out there who have seen _Kuroko's Basketball_ and/or _Noragami_ , who's your favorite character? (Personally, Kagami and Yato, respectively)

IM SORRY FOR THE LONG AS FUCK A/N OK SORRY PLS FORGIVE

…I'll stop typing now ok


	11. Chapter 10

**Title:** Oil, Water, and Blood

 **Summary:** Time travel, magic, and chakra don't mix, and they never have. Well, that is, until you meet Rokudaime Hokage, Kakashi Hatake, because he wakes up one day in the body of his eleven year old self—and is almost immediately assigned a mission with the rest of Team 7 to a school of magic. Oh goody.

 **Warnings:** Swearing, violence, crude humor, no pairings outside of canon, unbetaed work, spoilers, possible OOC, crackish, etc.

 **Notes:** Everything said before. Oh, and I don't own Naruto or Harry Potter.

.

"You smell like a human," Kakashi observes, watching the huge, shaggy, and black dog, its legs tied together. "You must be Sirius Black then."

At the name, the dog stiffens slightly and renews his struggles to extricate himself from the bindings of the ropes.

"Don't worry, Black-san, I'm not here to kill you." Kakashi smiles a little at the dog. "I personally like dogs. As your sharp nose should be able to tell you, I enjoy the company of them quite often."

Warily, Black glares at him, his struggles ceasing.

"If I set you free, do you agree not to run away or attack me?" Kakashi asks. "Because Dumbledore _did_ hire me to capture you alive since he believes in your innocence."

Hesitantly Black nods once, jerkily, and Kakashi unties the knots, and the dog sits up cautiously, changing shape to that of a human.

He probably would be a handsome man if he hadn't been on the run, Kakashi muses.

"Dumbledore… he hired a _child?_ " Black asks, sounding a little disgusted.

"Hey!" Kakashi complains. "I'm not a child. I stopped being a child when I was six, thank you very much. My society is far more violent than _yours_. But this isn't relevant. Do you want to come with me peacefully, or do you want me to beat you up, knock you out, gag you, and tie you up with sixty different kinds of knots?"

"I—I can't!" Black protests. "I have to get to Pettigrew—I have to kill him!"

"Kill who, now?" Kakashi asks. "Peter Pettigrew? I heard he died twelve years ago."

"He's not dead!" Black hisses in frustration, at least having the sense to keep quiet. "He—he framed me and cut off his finger!"

"What makes you think that he's in Hogwarts?" Kakashi inquires.

"That rat—Harry's best friend's pet? I'd recognize his Animagus form _anywhere!_ " Black spits, rage coloring his tone. "That traitor."

"Ah," Kakashi says. "That explains why the rat smells weird. I just thought it was because of it being a magical animal."

"Don't you see? I need to _kill_ him!" Black growls, reminiscent of his Animagus form. "He betrayed Lily and James! I don't care if I get sent back to Azkaban—"

"Revenge isn't the best plan, Black-san," Kakashi cuts in coolly. "I knew two people who destroyed my village at different times because of it. One was because he believed in the never-ending cycle of revenge. The other was because he had gone off the deep end because the girl he loved had been killed, and he'd seen it, and was being manipulated by another."

"But—"

"You're sounding like a child right now, Black-san," Kakashi retorts icily. "Cool your head. The best course of action here would be for you to _prove_ that Peter Pettigrew is alive. It will give you your freedom, while simply killing Pettigrew would make you to be exactly what you have been accused of. A murderer."

Black is quiet.

"I will let you go here," Kakashi says, standing up and brushing himself off. "I will not inform anyone except my colleagues of this. Calm yourself down, think of a good plan, before returning here. I will instantly be notified of your presence, so I can find you."

He turns but before he heads off, he adds, "The burden of a life is unbelievably heavy, Black-san. I suggest you do not attempt to carry it."

Before he can leave, Black cries, "Wait! Tell me—tell me your name."

"Mmm? My name? It's Kakashi. Kakashi Hatake."

.

"ANBU-san, ANBU-san, Minato-sensei, can I talk to you? In private?" Kakashi asks the next morning.

Minato-sensei briefly glances at Obito and Rin. "Alright. Obito, Rin, could you leave for a bit?"

Looking rather curious, Obito and Rin hesitantly leave the room, shutting the door behind them.

Once Kakashi is certain Obito and Rin are gone, Kakashi begins. "I met Sirius Black last night."

" _What?_ " Minato-sensei cries out. "And you didn't capture him?"

"I conversed with him," Kakashi continues, plowing through as if Minato-sensei hadn't spoken. Horribly rude, but oh well. "He's not guilty. He says that Potter-san's friend, Ronald Weasley's, rat is to blame."

"His rat," Tenzo deadpans even further than he usually does, and Kakashi can see it only from years of being Tenzo's senpai. "And not to mention, you didn't think to notify us?"

"An Animagus?" Itachi asks.

"Yes," Kakashi nods. "I could smell no lies. I instructed him to cool his head and prove his innocence without killing the rat." He turns to Tenzo. "I didn't think you'd _want_ to be woken up at an ungodly hour, but certainly, even though I can totally handle it, next time, I'll wake you up." Tenzo grimaces at that.

"Next time?" Minato-sensei inquires.

"Yep. Told him to come back after creating a plan, and that I'd discuss it with him later. And besides, I like dogs. Black is a dog, didn't you know?"

Minato-sensei's fingers twitch like he wants to introduce it to his face. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "I… will inform Dumbledore-san of our—situation, Kakashi," he sighs. "I'm not saying you didn't do the right thing…"

"Mm," Kakashi agrees. "I understand."

.

 _Earlier that night…_

Kakashi strolled along the hallway, humming softly under his breath as he did his patrol duty.

It was about ten minutes to one, and Kakashi was _not_ looking forward to the next few hours. But he _is_ looking forward to the time when he could get a bucket of ice water and dump it on Tenzo—just to see whether Tenzo would actually react like a cat would.

It would be hilarious, though it'd probably warrant a couple shruiken to the face. Totally worth it though. And if Tenzo demanded an explanation, Kakashi would simply smile guilelessly (pffft yeah right) and say it's for a science experiment.

He smiled a little dreamily and nearly walked into the wall.

Suddenly the barrier around the school alerted him to another presence, coming from the underground. Immediately it snapped him out of his reverie and he located the area _(under a statue?)_ and formed the hand seals for shunshin.

And found a huge, black, and shaggy dog.

.

"Earth to Kakashi?"

Kakashi jumps a little at the hand waving in his face, and slaps it out of the way.

"Wow, you hit hard, mate," Ron grumbles, retracting his hand immediately, inspecting it carefully.

"Sorry," Kakashi responds immediately. "Didn't sleep all that well last night. Correction—I got one hour of sleep."

"What were you _doing?_ " Hermione asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Chasing black, shaggy dogs," Kakashi deadpans.

"There—there was a _Grim_ at Hogwarts?" Ron shrieks, terrified and dropping his fork. "And you _chased_ after it?"

Suddenly it goes quiet throughout the room, and people all turn to stare at them.

"I'm sorry, there was a what now at Hogwarts?" Harry asks. "The thing Trelawney found in Kakashi's teacup?"

"A _Grim,_ Harry, a _Grim!_ They're omens of death!" Ron exclaims, face pale. "Black and shaggy dogs—they're bad luck!"

"Bad luck?" Kakashi inquires. "Omens of death? Oh, okay. That's perfectly normal. I don't expect to live past twenty anyways, and besides, I've had my fair share of bad luck in my life, so that's normal too. I don't think that the so-called 'Grim' that I chased after will affect my life all that much. Besides, didn't Professor Trelawney already predict my untimely death with the exact same name?"

"You don't understand!" Ron cries. "My uncle—he died within twenty-four hours of seeing a Grim!"

"A coincidence."

" _Kakashi!_ I'm worrying about your _life_ here, mate!" Ron snaps, exasperated.

"So am I," Kakashi agrees. "But I have far more dangerous threats after my head than a shaggy black dog of ill omen."

To be honest, Kakashi is finding this conversation highly amusing, while the other people in the Hall are still watching their (one-sided) argument like a spar.

"Staring's rude," Kakashi adds loudly as a bit of an afterthought. "Go back to eating breakfast."

Immediately people all turn away and break out into hushed whispers.

"I'll be perfectly fine," Kakashi assures. "Don't worry too much. And besides, you never even _saw_ the dog I was chasing after. For all you know it could've been a poodle the size of your palm."

.

The next few days go by quickly, peaceful and quiet.

But then, the nightmare of all nightmares—the bane of Kakashi's very existence— _(shitshitshit)_ happens one morning.

Kakashi feels a familiar presence enter the barrier and closes his eyes. He puts down his chopsticks and brings his hands together as if in prayer—which he is. _Please Kami-sama, no._

"Kakashi?" Hermione asks hesitantly.

The door is kicked down, and immediately all people turn to the door with the exception of Kakashi, who turns a rather peculiar shade of green and gets out of his seat, preparing to run.

"MY ETERNAL RIVAL! IT IS MOST UNYOUTHFUL TO RUN AWAY FROM OUR CHALLENGES THAT SHOW THE FLAMES OF OUR BURNING YOUTH!"

"No," Kakashi says. "No. Please. No." He resigns himself to his (very unfortunate) fate and wilts as Gai charges to him and hugs him, hard. Kakashi chokes and tries to breathe.

"Gai," he wheezes. "Let me go. Can't breathe." His voice to too small for Gai's overly loud presence to hear.

Kakashi turns, wide-eyed, to Minato-sensei, flailing his free arm weakly. "Help," he squeaks.

To his dismay, his sensei looks rather amused, and he turns away, covering his mouth, and undoubtedly snickering, Obito doing the same. Rin seems to be mildly worried about the interesting shade of blue his face is turning but nothing else.

Eventually Gai lets him go, and Kakashi draws in huge gulps of air.

"MY ETERNAL RIVAL! IT IS AMAZING TO BE ABLE TO WALK AGAIN!"

"Ah," Kakashi says. "No wonder your chakra felt so… familiar."

"IT IS GOOD TO SEE THAT YOU, MY ETERNAL RIVAL, REMEMBER ME—"

.

Then Kakashi wakes up, sitting and breathing heavily. He wipes sweat from his brow, gasping and severely traumatized.

Kakashi checks the school, and breathes a sigh of relief when there's no sign of Gai's chakra, flopping back down on the bed. He attempts to calm his racing heart to no avail.

Oh god, that _nightmare._

Kakashi thanks Kami-sama that Gai had not come to Hogwarts.

 _I don't hate the guy or anything but—over the top, much?_ Kakashi muses internally.

He rolls over and tries to go back to sleep.

.

 **a/n:** I sincerely apologize for the lateness of this chapter.

But hey, Sirius made an appearance! :D

And Gai. How many of you were fooled into thinking he actually arrived?

I'm just curious, how many of you would actually like for future!Gai to arrive? Like, for real, and not a dream. It wouldn't affect the plotline all that much.

Please drop a review!


	12. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

First things first—this isn't a new chapter.

I apologize, since I'm ridiculously _late_ in updating as well, and I just got your hopes up. I feel like a shitty person now.

I still suggest you read this anyways.

I am beyond grateful to you all for almost a hundred reviews, the most I've ever gotten, in fact! So yeah. Your new chapter will be coming and will replace this godawful author's note eventually, so check back.

This has nothing to do with what I want to talk to you all about though!

I'm rereading my old chapters and finding them ridiculously horrid with many flaws.

So! I'm going to rewrite them. To tell if a certain chapter's been rewritten, I'll add a huge **EDIT 11/24/15** at the top of each edited chapter. Watch out for those, too, since they'll (probably) be a lot better.

Thanks for your patience.


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